


In Retrospect

by poploppege



Series: Retrospect After Everything [1]
Category: Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, I've read Rhythm of War, Kadolin, Kaladin is aspec gay and Adolin and Shallan are bisexual, Kaladin is horrible at dealing with his feelings, M/M, Oathbringer spoilers but not really any Rhythm of War Spoilers, Sharing a Bed, Timeline Swap, shakadolin, so there might be minor details in there but nothing major, this takes place in between RoW and OB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 37,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28055868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poploppege/pseuds/poploppege
Summary: Kaladin wakes up someplace unfamiliar. How did he get there, and why is Adolin acting so affectionate all of a sudden? Something isn't right.Or, Kaladin switches places with another Kaladin from a timeline in which he is engaged to Adolin, and is forced to confront some things. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Kaladin/Adolin Kholin, Shallan Davar/Kaladin/Adolin Kholin
Series: Retrospect After Everything [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080803
Comments: 149
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

Kaladin drifted between the space of dreams and the space of peaceful nothing. Passing thoughts formed chains, which would form small scenes played out by him, before collapsing back into a pile of whatever it was dreams were made out of, to be reused in the future. 

Sleep was often not a restful time for Kaladin. He had spent many nights plagued by nightmares, waking up to find himself covered in sweat and Syl watching over him, concerned. But this time, he floated through what seemed like strange, but not unpleasant dreams. Voices talking about other cosmeres, the feeling of falling, similar to the freeing feeling of Windrunning, but different somehow. Sometimes he would notice that he was dreaming, but over time the thought slipped out of his mind and awareness, not gaining purchase in his memory. 

He traveled through an empty Urithiru, a dream version of Syl flying in the shape of a ribbon, leading him somewhere, giggling. Somehow, he knew she had found something she thought was interesting and wanted to show him. He felt a content sense of joy within himself, bordering on childlike as he chased Syl down the corridor, laughing. She turned a corner into a room suddenly and he followed. In the room was a box, an arm span tall and half as wide, with a paper that had the swooping lines of women's script on it. His mind could not give proper shape to the words, but he knew what it was anyway. Inside the box sat some sort of mink with large eyes and large, triangular ears, unlike anything he had ever seen. He thought of similar animals he had seen to this, though most were bigger than this small thing. Perhaps it was a baby. The dream started to fall apart, and as he continued to think, it collapsed further, until he was back in the comfortable blackness. 

At some point, something began to take shape in his mind, the feeling of a hand being run through his hair. It was pleasant, and also singular, no dream forming, just this single sensation. Kaladin felt something in him shift, and somehow he knew he was bobbing closer to consciousness. He rebelled, not wanting to leave the state of simple bliss he was in, but that only pushed his mind further to the surface.


	2. Chapter 2

Vevesach, 1174

Kaladin opened his eyes. 

He wasn't certain where he was, or if he was still dreaming. He was lying down, his head resting on... something. He craned his neck to see Adolin's face there. His head was resting in Adolin's lap, Kaladin realized. Adolin caught his gaze and gave him a look that could only be described as _ loving _ , combing his hand through Kaladin's hair in a way that felt faintly familiar. How odd. Not unpleasant, but certainly odd. 

Was this real? As Kaladin's body seemed to wake up more, it felt increasingly real. But the situation seemed to suggest his mind had cooked up some very strange concoction of a dream. Although he was comfortable, he forced himself to sit up. He took a deep breath, then he raked his fingernails against his arm.

_ Real _ . This was real. Where was he? What was going on? He felt any remaining drowsiness vanish as he assessed his situation and found his feet. Adolin looked concerned.

"Kaladin? Are you all right?"

"How did I get here?" Kaladin said, uncomfortable with the question. The surgeon in him took note of how that sounded suspiciously like memory loss. Adolin paused, his face growing more concerned.

"We had dinner with Shallan, remember?" He said gently, as if talking to a spooked animal. "After that, we came back here." 

Kaladin frowned. He remembered having dinner with Adolin and Shallan, but he went back to the barracks afterwards. He distinctly remembered making his bed before going to sleep. And where was "here" anyway? He glanced around.

Adolin's room? It was the sitting room, the couch which Kaladin had been lying on and some chairs around an unlit fireplace. He felt another wave of confusion and bafflement. He narrowed his eyes.

"Is this some kind of prank?" He couldn't see what could possibly be funny about this, but he didn’t have many potential explanations to consider.

"Kaladin, you're scaring me. Are you alright? Did you hit your head or something while I wasn't looking?" He walked up to Kaladin, resting his hand on Kaladin's shoulder blade. He fished in his pocket and held up an infused sapphire. 

"Maybe try drawing in stormlight?" 

Kaladin did so, feeling the familiar storm in his veins. He forced himself to focus and remain still, despite the stormlight demanding that he act. He didn't feel anything changing, beyond the sting in his arm retreating. He held it and his breath until it dissipated, then started to breathe again. Adolin looked at him expectantly. Kaladin thought through the night again, and found that his memories were the same as before. He shrugged and shook his head.

"Maybe we should see a doctor." Adolin said, now sounding rather worried. Kaladin didn't miss the "we" in that sentence and considered it with the other oddities in his head. But what was he to do? Something wasn’t right with this situation, and it seemed like Kaladin was the one who didn’t have the full picture. Kaladin’s face finally started to grow warm at what he had woken up to, his mind finally making room for processing it now that he understood where he was. What was  _ that  _ about? 

  
He looked at Adolin, feeling embarrassed and confused, resisting the urge to pull away from Adolin’s hand, which was still resting on his shoulder blade. Normally he would have just  _ asked,  _ but something felt  _ off _ about this whole thing in a way he couldn’t describe. His instincts said to wait, to play along for a while. Perhaps he would figure more things out as he went along. And so Kaladin said, "Yes, that sounds like a good idea." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the first update! I'm planning on having something like 20 chapters, but I haven't written it all yet, so we'll see how it goes. I will update with more than one chapter sometimes, if it makes sense for the story.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated ^-^


	3. Chapter 3

Kaladin, while being poked, prodded, and questioned, finally thought of the possibility that he was in a vision. They were said by Dalinar and others who had been in them to feel incredibly real, as real as real life. But what kind of divine figure would craft something so strange and then give it to Kaladin? And besides, this didn't seem to have the limitations of an ordinary vision, and everyone seemed to recognize him as himself. It wouldn’t make sense. But then,  _ no _ explanations he had thought of so far made any sense.

The doctor looked closely at Kaladin's eyes. “Pupils are the same size.” he said, a nearby attendant writing it down. He went along with it, knowing the types of things they would have him do. Test his reflexes, hearing, eyesight, and knowledge. He certainly  _ felt  _ fine, if a little on edge.

“Any headaches?” the doctor asked.

“No.” Kaladin answered.

“Any nausea or vomiting?”

“No.”

“Can you recall today’s date?”

“I don’t know how long I was asleep for, but when I fell asleep, it was Vevesach, 1174.”

“The current monarch of Alethkar?”

“Jasnah Kholin.”

“Your own name?”

“Kaladin Stormblessed.”

The doctor consulted with his attendant, having her read some of the charts. Kaladin sat there awkwardly, still confused. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on. Adolin approached him from behind and rested his hand on Kaladin’s shoulder.

“Hey. I don’t know what it is that caused you to forget our trip back or getting there, but it’s going to be okay.”

“I hope I don’t have a memory disease. Everything in my head seems clear, but apparently wrong. I don’t like not trusting my own mind.” 

Adolin said nothing, and started to rub Kaladin’s shoulder. Another oddity. Had Adolin always done this? It didn’t seem to Kaladin that he had. He didn’t get far in that line of thought before the doctor walked back over.

“He seems to be perfectly fine, Brightlord. He passed the physical and mental tests. This may be a singular occurrence. Strange, yes, but nothing to worry about. If he has another episode like this or starts having persistent head pains, come back, but for now everything looks in order.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Adolin said with his usual dazzling smile. “I will be on the lookout for it. I’ll make sure he gets plenty of rest.” And there it was again. The subtle overextending of familiarity. Adolin was affectionate with his friends, sure, but this went past what he was usually like. The way he said it, it sounded like he planned to stay next to Kaladin’s bed to make sure he was asleep. Kaladin shifted uncomfortably.

They walked out of the room into the busy corridor. What time was it anyway? If it really was still Vevesach that meant he hadn’t actually gotten a full nights sleep. He should probably be getting back to the barracks to rest for the night. Strangely, his body did feel tired, which he didn’t like. It seemed to suggest that his memories weren’t actually real.

“Kaladin, what’s wrong?” Adolin asked, voice still full of concern. 

“I fell asleep in one place and woke up in another, seemingly to find that no time had passed. It’s a little freaky. Doesn’t sit right with me.”  _ And you are being much more affectionate than normal, which is its own kind of freaky _ , Kaladin left off.

“I know that. That’s not what I’m talking about. You keep tensing up when I touch you. Are you mad at me, or is it because you’re overwhelmed?”

Kaladin looked at him, incredulous.  _ What on Roshar? _

“I’m just not used to you being this… touchy. Is all.”

Then Adolin looked at him like  _ Kaladin _ was the crazy one.

“Not… used to it?” he looked like he was going to say something more, then closed his mouth. He seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Why are you so confused?” Kaladin asked, his own confusion (and blush, to his embarrassment) returning.

If it was at all possible, Adolin’s face became even more disbelieving, like Kaladin had said something that was genuinely  _ unbelievably _ stupid. Kaladin creased his own face further into confusion in response.

“I’m half tempted to drag you back into the doctor’s office right now. Be honest, or else I’m going to get Syl to tell me if you’re telling the truth. Are you  _ seriously  _ telling me that you don’t remember getting engaged to me?”

Kaladin inhaled sharply in shock, which caused him to choke on his own spit, sending him into a coughing fit, eyes watering, blood rushing to his face.

_ Engaged?? What-?! _

“Adolin! Kaladin!” Renarin’s voice came from down the corridor. He ran towards them, looking a bit frantic. 

Kaladin risked a glance at Adolin’s face, which was a mixture of intense confusion and disbelief, with a little hurt. _ Engaged? _ Kaladin thought again, not being able to make much progress beyond that single word.

Renarin reached him. He glowed faintly with stormlight, probably so he could run faster.

  
“You two! I need to talk to you. Something… very  _ strange _ has happened.”


	4. Chapter 4

Renarin shuffled them into an empty meeting room, a board on the wall, a table with some things on it, a few chairs, but otherwise empty. Kaladin was more confused than ever, and he  _ hated  _ it. His face had just stayed hot, and he walked a good distance away from Adolin, who had a pitifully forlorn expression on his face. Well, he had never been involved with Adolin in the first place! Adolin was married to Shallan, for the Almighty’s sake! He knew these things, and yet…

There was the uncomfortable fact that everything seemed to be pointing to Kaladin and his memories being wrong.

“That,” Renarin said, pointing at Kaladin, “is  _ not  _ our Kaladin.”

Kaladin shook out of his thoughts. He was so distracted by Adolin saying they were engaged that he hadn’t much processed that Renarin seemingly randomly dragged them to a meeting room saying that he needed to talk to him. He frowned at the odd accusation.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kaladin said, confused and a little offended.

“Yeah, what  _ is _ that supposed to mean?” Adolin said, mirroring Kaladin’s own emotions. He seemed to be offended on Kaladin’s behalf, even though he still appeared to still be hurt by Kaladin’s earlier reaction.

“Hey, I’m not accusing anybody, I’m just stating a fact. Tell me, there is something off about this Kaladin is there not? And Kaladin, there is something off for you about this environment?”

Kaladin and Adolin looked at each other in tandem, then back at Renarin.

“He… Doesn’t remember being engaged with me.” Adolin said, causing Kaladin to instinctively duck his head a little. Renarin nodded, as if this were expected.

“I have reason to believe that somehow  _ our _ Kaladin has switched places with  _ this _ Kaladin.”

Some pieces clicked together in Kaladin’s mind. Yes, that could explain why everything seemed different. But how would something like that even happen? He didn’t want to get too invested in this theory before he had some proof.

“What do you mean, Ren?” Adolin asked.

“I mean… It’s hard to explain. I see things, see futures. You know that already. But…” Renarin sighed, thinking. Then, he walked over to the table at the side of the room, which had a spool of string on it, along with scissors. A large board hung above it, pieces of paper with somewhat shaky drawings and writing on it pinned all over it, some of them connected to each other with string. This was Renarin’s planning room, Kaladin realized. Those writings and drawings must be his. Kaladin would have blushed just a tiny bit at that, if his face wasn’t already on fire. Sure, Dalinar had learned how to read, and Renarin had been doing it for a while too but… Well, it was _ still _ odd to see it.

Renarin cut some strings, and put all in his pocket but one. He held it up before them.

“This is a line.” he said. “We often think about time as being similar to a line. One thing happens, then another, then another, and so on, into infinity. A sequence of linear events. Adolin, please recount your night.”

Adolin blinked once, then obliged. “Well… I got out of a meeting, then met up with Kaladin, who had finished training the Windrunner squires for the day.”

Renarin pointed at the top of his string. “Let’s place that event right here on the line. Go on?”

“Well, after that, we went back to our rooms,”

Renarin pointed slightly below where he pointed before. “And that event goes right here.” he nodded for Adolin to continue.

“We, ah, talked,” 

Renarin once again moved his finger downwards, not feeling the need to explain again. 

“We bathed, we got dressed, we went out to that restaurant with Shallan, we said goodbye to Shallan and walked back, we talked more, and Kaladin fell asleep while we were sitting on the couch.” he paused. “Then, Kaladin woke up, sat up then jumped to his feet, looking all panicked, not remembering how he got there. We went to the doctor, and then you found us.” at each new event, Renarin pointed at a different part of the string, moving downward. He held up the string again.

“This is your time-line, how things happened from your perspective. This piece of string is short, but realistically the time-line extends infinitely backwards. Do you understand what this represents?” Renarin handed the string to Adolin to hold, and Adolin took it, nodding.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Kaladin understood too, but Renarin fished in his pocket for another string and repeated the exercise with Kaladin. He went over the things that had happened from his perspective. Finishing training for the day, going back to the barracks, having a quick bath, changing, meeting with Shallan and Adolin at the restaurant, heading back to the barracks, going to sleep, waking up in Adolin’s rooms, freaking out, going to the doctor, and Renarin finding them. 

Kaladin held his time-line in his hand as Renarin dug out more strings and motioned for them to gather around the table. Renarin lay a string on the table.

“What I see, when I see the future, is not the future itself, but ways the future  _ could  _ go. I have been wrong in the past, though most of what I see is reliable.”

He snipped the string in half, taking the shorter end into his hand.

“Let’s say this was a time-line for someone else. Perhaps they went to a clothing store, and had to choose between several different colors of the same garment.”

He put the end of the string so that the snipped end was next to the snipped end of the other one.

  


“Perhaps, in this version of the time line, they chose a red one.”

He took out another short string and laid it with the end connecting to the original one, now side by side with the other snipped half.

“In this time-line, they chose a green one.” Another string attached to that same spot. “In this one they chose yellow,” another, “orange,” another, “blue,” another, “pink, and so on. Each of these lines that branch out from this single decision  _ could  _ happen. Perhaps some are more likely than others, but they’re all on the table. But eventually…”

He cleared all of the strings next to each other except for one. “They choose orange. And all the other potential time-lines are no longer possible in that time-line, since the event they split off of has concluded.” he tied the 2 string halves together at the ends, then put it back on the table. “But then, this person goes home and wants to listen to a book. This whole process repeats when they have to choose which book to listen to.” he tied another half-string to the time-line, then set it down again.

“Now, here’s where things get interesting. You see, this time-line that we see right here is only one permutation of what actually happened. In the larger reality, all possible combinations of clothing color and book happened, we just can’t see those time-lines since we can only live in one at a time. But, the time-line where the person chose purple  _ does  _ exist, same as this one here does. It just exists someplace different, someplace completely untouchable by us. That is, it is  _ mostly  _ completely untouchable.” He gestured at Kaladin.

“Here we see the result of 2 time-lines touching. It very  _ very  _ rarely happens, and the things that draw 2 or more time-lines together are beyond me to understand. But they  _ do  _ touch sometimes, though even when they do they usually don’t do things like this, even when we can actually  _ see  _ something that’s happened.”

“Wait… so…” Adolin frowned, thinking it over.

Renarin held his hand out for Kaladin’s time-line, and he gave it over. Renarin held it and then dug out another string.

“This,” he said, holding up Kaladin’s time-line, “Is  _ this _ Kaladin’s time-line, and this,” he said, holding up the other string, “is  _ our _ Kaladin’s time-line.”

He laid Kaladin’s time-line and the other Kaladin’s time-line parallel to each other, then pulled them over so they intersected at one point, then swapped places, once again running parallel, but in the opposite space than before.

It finally clicked in Kaladin’s head.

“So there is some lovey-dovey, engaged-to-Adolin version of me running around in my shoes in my time-line right now?” Kaladin said in horror. “Oh Almighty… He’s going to try and kiss him or something without realizing what happened, isn’t he? That’s how these things always go for me.” he buried his face in his hands and groaned. He felt a hand pat his back in sympathy, but he couldn’t tell if it was Adolin or Renarin.

“So our Kaladin is in a different and untouchable time-line right now? Can we get him back?” Adolin said, mild panic in his voice. 

“I have a couple ideas, but I think that I would need the cooperation of the Renarin there. I’m trying to make contact with him but it’s harder than it might seem. If he’s anything like me, he checks the future at least twice a day, and this was…” he half laughed, “Noticeable, to say the least. I was getting ready for bed and checked again, and saw that Kaladin’s spot in it had completely changed. I looked closer and saw that he was a different person entirely. I just about spat out the wine I was drinking. Kaladin, you said you already went to bed before showing up here?”

“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I had gotten at least a few hours of sleep. I have a vague memory of a dream I had. Something about finding a strange animal in a box.”

Renarin nodded, thinking.

“So it looks like we’re a little ahead of them right now. But when that Renarin presumably figures out what’s wrong in the morning, I should have an easier time getting a message through, especially if he has the same idea as me. I have to say Kaladin, this is the most excitement I’ve had with these powers ever since I first bonded Glys.”

Kaladin huffed. “I wish the time-lines were exciting at a different time, when we weren’t in the middle of a storming desolation. Tell them to wait a decade or two next time.”

Renarin laughed at that. “I will tell the non-sentient timelines to stop crossing themselves at inconvenient times. If that will make you feel better.”

“So, what now? What should we do about it?” Adolin asked, glancing at Kaladin.

“Like I said, I have a couple budding ideas, but whether they will work or not is another question entirely. In any case, I need to talk to the other Renarin. For now…” he looked at them. “Lay low? I guess? I mean it’s not as if it’s a secret with dire consequences if leaked, but it would certainly be hard to explain in a pinch. That’s up to whatever you two want to do. I think we should tell Father, and by extension Navani. I want to get Shallan’s thoughts and ideas on this as well. Maybe Jasnah, although it most likely won’t affect her ruling of the country, so maybe after it has blown over, but she should know.

Each name Renarin listed made Kaladin feel a little more mortified. The blush, which had been receding, came back, to his annoyance. He knew why they should be informed about this, and he agreed that they should be, but he still felt embarrassed. He hadn’t yet begun to process that in another reality he had gotten engaged to Adolin, and he didn’t want to be treated differently if and when he got back to his own world and found that his versions of everyone Renarin had listed knew too. 

“And of course Syl. Does she know yet?”

_ Syl _ . He hadn’t thought of her when he got here. Usually he didn’t see her until he was about to start work, as she liked to go for morning flights. And it wasn’t morning now, but he had still gotten caught up in everything. He felt a slight burst of anxiety. What if the switch had done something bad to her? He summoned her, and felt a slight jolt of annoyance from her.

“I haven’t. I was so distracted by everything... One moment.”

_ Syl? _ He thought.

_ What? I was having a good time flying, I’ll have you know. Are you fighting someone or something? _

He breathed a sigh of relief. She seemed to be fine.

_ Something has happened. We’re not fighting anyone, but I need to catch you up with the situation. _

He heard her huff in his mind, but a few moments later she zipped into the room as a ribbon of light, then formed into her young woman shape.

“What?” Syl said.

“Wait.” Adolin said. “Is that your Syl or our Syl?”

_ Oh _ . Kaladin blinked. He had just assumed that it was his Syl, but it was completely possible that it wasn’t.

“What do you mean ‘your Syl or our Syl’? I’m his Syl. I’m not bonded to anyone else, silly.”

“Syl, do you remember Kaladin being engaged to Adolin?” Renarin asked.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I remember that.” Syl said, confused.

_ Not my Syl. The other Kaladin’s Syl _ . That made him droop a little. He could get through this alone, but he usually always had Syl by his side. He still did, he supposed, but this Syl wasn’t quite his. She was bonded to someone who looked and acted a lot like him, but not to Kaladin himself.

“What’s going on? Why are you guys all giving each other looks?”

“I’m going to explain this to Syl.” Renarin said. “Probably the same stuff I told you guys.”

“I wanted to talk to Kaladin, actually.” Adolin said, “Meet you tomorrow, Ren? Unless anything new happens?”

Renarin gave a thumbs up, then went back to cutting strings in front of a befuddled Syl.

Syl looked at Kaladin, concerned and confused.

“It’s okay Syl. It’s nothing dangerous. Everything is going to go back to normal soon.”  _ I hope. _ “Meet you in a bit, okay?”

“Okay.” she said hesitantly. He smiled reassuringly at her, and she smiled back. Then Kaladin left, Adolin in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so now they’re caught up with the situation! It’s far from over, though. I loved writing Renarin as a timeline and multiverse nerd, as I have very strong opinions and thoughts about it myself. And, he can see the future, so he probably understands the nature of time better than anyone else around, except for the shards themselves. I made the pictures of the strings in ms paint just so you guys could see exactly what he was doing. Let me know if that kind of thing works for you guys, as there could be other things that I might illustrate for the sake of clarity.  
> I love hearing from you! As always, all comments, praise, criticism, questions, theorizations, thoughts, they’re all appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

Kaladin took a deep, deep breath. Then sighed, long and loud. Then he groaned.

“ _ Why _ do these things  _ happen _ to me?”

“Name one other thing like  _ this _ that has happened to you.” Adolin laughed.

“I don’t know! The Horneater princess who stole my boots turning out to be in a causal betrothal to you! Amaram showing up at the Shattered Plains seemingly at random shortly after I become captain of your father’s guard! The random Shardbearer I killed in Alethkar turning out to be Shallan’s brother! My whole life has been one unlikely event after another! If I was  _ normal _ , I would have studied to be a surgeon in Kharbranth and lived a quiet life of healing! But instead I join the army, get sold into slavery, run bridges, become a storming  _ Knight Radiant, _ rescue you and your army, become captain of the guard to the storming  _ royal _ family of  _ Alethkar _ , become  _ lighteyed _ , and then become a highmarshall in the army of  _ Urithiru! _ ” he huffed out the rest of his air, then took a deep breath.

“Not that I’m not grateful to be where I am today. I have people who support me. My family is okay. My men are living good lives. But… It is really  _ beyond _ strange. You realize, each of those things are a different amount of unlikely? How is it that I managed to be in  _ this  _ time-line, where I happened to experience each one? Is it  _ entertaining _ to some being out there, watching my life go all these directions as if they are enjoying some fiction book? ”[1] 

Adolin looked thoughtful.

“Now that you bring it up, your life  _ has  _ been filled with unlikely events. But then, so has everything lately. I’m not quite sure what to make of it, honestly. Part of me thinks it doesn't matter  _ why  _ things happen the way they do, that it only matters  _ what  _ happens. But the other part of me wonders.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Kaladin made a point of looking for a clock as they walked through the populated hallways. He didn’t know what time of day it was, beyond it being after dinner. He eventually spotted one, claiming that it was around 18th hour. He usually went to sleep around 19th hour, so he still had a bit before he started to get noticeably tired. That is, if the other Kaladin had the same sleep schedule as him. Despite his claims, this situation was a different kind of strange than all the others. The other things were technically  _ possible _ , even if in an incredibly far-out kind of way, but this sort of thing was never supposed to even have a  _ possibility _ of happening, if Renarin’s words were anything to go by.

Adolin walked into his rooms and Kaladin followed. They sat down on chairs that opposed each other. At that moment, Kaladin realized he didn’t really know what to say. Kaladin certainly felt better. Most of his anxiety and discomfort earlier was from not knowing what was going on. He felt like he could finally understand what was going on, at least in a broad sense. But, what were you supposed to say in a situation like this?

“Do I still have duty training the Windrunners? In my time-line that’s what I was doing, at least until I was needed for battle.”

  
“Oh. yeah.” Adolin said, pulled out of his thoughts. “Yeah, that sounds the same as it is here.” he seemed to want to say something more.

“Can I ask- and you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to- but… Why  _ aren’t _ you engaged, or involved, with your Adolin?” His face was an open book, all curiosity and vulnerability. It, and the unexpected question, made the stupid blush come back. Storm him, but it made Kaladin want to be honest in return. He took a moment to muster his wits.

“You got married to Shallan. And before that, I didn’t really trust anyone except for Bridge Four, you included. I never really had an opportunity to think of you in that way. This is my first time learning that anything could have ever… Happened between us.” He looked away as he said it, blush rising.

“Shallan?” Adolin said with a laugh. “Oh, I’ve got to tell her. She would think that’s hilarious.”

“Why would it be? You seem so happy in my time-line. What exactly happened between you that made you break off your betrothal?”

“Nothing ‘happened’. I loved her, and I still do. Just not in that sort of way. It was different than what I felt for you. Over time, we both realized that, and made the decision to cut off the betrothal. It was only ever a causal, after all. She’s practically family now. Officially she is an advisor to Jasnah, but she shows up when we meet for dinner as a family, and she’s really good at giving advice.”

Kaladin sat back, thinking. That could have happened? He tried, but he couldn’t quite see things going that way. He felt as if there were missing pieces to this. Shallan and Adolin back home seemed so happy. But then, this Adolin seemed happy too.

Syl burst into the room.

“You’re not engaged to Adolin?! Why not?! Is he really really tall or something in your time-line?!”

“Tall?” Kaladin asked.

“Yeah, so tall that you couldn’t reach his face to kiss him whenever you wanted?”

Kaladin sputtered.

“I’m married to Shallan in his time-line.” Adolin explained.

“So?”

Kaladin, having just recovered, sputtered again. But he quickly recovered enough function to challenge Syl.

“He’s married! If he was with me then it would be infidelity! Besides, he probably has never thought of me in that way!”

Adolin and Syl shared a look. [2] 

Kaladin thought that this was the joint-winner for the most severe blush he had ever had in his life, shared with earlier today when he was told that he was engaged to Adolin by Adolin himself. He covered his face with his hands, overwhelmed.

“Well what if Shallan was okay with it? What then? It’s not like you can’t both be married to him.”

“Yes it is!” Kaladin just about squeaked. He was glad at least that the ones back home weren’t seeing this. Eventually, he could leave this behind. But then, who knew what the other Kaladin was going to do?

“Polygamy isn’t really a thing in Vorin culture, Syl. I’ve heard that some countries to the west do it more often, but that kind of thing is usually frowned upon here. I guess that nothing would stop you from writing oaths for 3 people if you wanted to get married, but I don’t know of any Alethi who’ve done it. Not impossible, but in most cases highly improbable.” Adolin mused, as if Kaladin weren’t having one of the most mortifying moments of his life.

“She did this same thing to me in my time-line you know. Except she wanted me to be with Shallan. She didn’t like you since you have a Shardblade.” he mumbled through his hands.

Adolin laughed out loud.

“You don’t even  _ like _ women!”

_ Wait, what? _ Kaladin peaked through his fingers.

“I… Don’t?”

“No, you… oh.” Adolin stopped laughing, contemplating. “I guess… huh.”

Kaladin lowered his hands, revealing his eyes entirely. If Adolin was right…

“I  _ don’t _ ?” Kaladin insisted.

“You don’t. You realized when… Well, after you got together with me. So, you didn’t know?”

Things started to click into place. Why he had never recognized what Laral’s flirting was until he was older. Not feeling that much beyond what he now recognized as platonic love for Tarah. Never feeling like he fit in conversations when the men started talking about women. Constantly thinking that he was just too busy for a relationship. He thought that he just wasn’t as driven by it than other men were but… maybe that was because he was looking in the wrong place?

“I’m judging based on you looking like you’re having a revelation that you didn’t? You should know that even with men, it’s not often you’re actually attracted to one, at least that’s how it is with my Kaladin. I can count the number of times on one hand that you knew you were.”

Kaladin sat back, addled. The past couple hours certainly had been upheaving in a number of ways. He didn’t think he had much more in him today. As he thought it, he noticed that he was actually physically fatigued. 

“I… I think I need to get back to the barracks. I need some sleep, if it will find me.”

Adolin blinked at him.

“Kal, you don’t have a room there. You- or I guess my Kaladin- gave it to Sigzil when you- he- moved in with me.”

Kaladin blinked at Adolin. That made sense. Why was that stopping his mind? Had everything else just over-taxed him such that he could no longer react to this?

“I can sleep on the couch, if it makes you uncomfortable to share a bed.”

He was offering to sleep on the couch. He was also offering, by implication, to let Kaladin sleep in his bed with him. Kaladin should probably offer to sleep on the couch himself. He should definitely not take up Adolin’s implied-offer to sleep in the same bed as him.

“Well?” Syl piped up. “You’ve been sitting there not saying anything for 15 seconds, just blinking. I get that you need to blink, but do you have to stop doing everything else for it too?”

She walked up on his shoulder and inspected him. He turned his head and looked at her.

“Yep, I think he’s broken. We have to take him to the repair shop. Know any good Windrunner repair shops?”

“Kaladin?”

Kaladin snapped out of the strange trance-like state. “I can sleep on the couch. You should sleep in your own bed.” part of him sighed in relief as he said it, and the other part… What was the other part doing?

“I insist. You are essentially the guest here. It wouldn’t feel right to know that you were sleeping on the couch, even if it is a particularly comfy one.”

Kaladin blinked again. He couldn’t find it in him to muster the thoughts and strength and motivation for a counter-argument. 

“Okay.” Kaladin said. 

_ Okay _ ? He had just said  _ okay _ to sleeping in Adolin’s bed?

“I guess… Do you know where to go for water or where the privy is? I’ll show you.”

He stood up, and motioned for Kaladin to follow, and Kaladin rose and did so. Syl stayed behind.

“Usually we go to the royal dining room and have breakfast with whatever members of the family are available, though we can get food delivered here if you want.” Adolin said as they walked.

It hit Kaladin how surreal this all was. This entire time he had been panicked and on edge, and truth be told he still felt a lingering anxiety about the situation. But walking through Adolin’s rooms as Adolin told him their daily routines from another life he could have been living had things gone differently… He felt like he was in a realistic dream. For the second time that day, he wondered if he was in some incredibly detailed vision.

“We have a water basin over here, and cups are here,” Adolin said as they walked into a small kitchen-like room, pointing at the basin and a cupboard.

“And that is the privy.” He pointed to a door down the hallway. “It’s got plumbing, so you don’t have to worry about throwing anything out.”

Adolin turned, suddenly, taking both of Kaladin’s hands loosely in his own.

“Hey, everything is going to go back to normal, okay? I know that today was a lot, and that you’re still worrying about how we’re going to fix this. You don’t like not being able to help, and I get that. But sometimes you have to let other people help you. You’re not a burden for it. We  _ want  _ to help you.”

Kaladin’s eyes widened. The things Adolin just guessed Kaladin was feeling, Kaladin found, were accurate. How had he known? Kaladin hadn’t even put labels on what he was feeling yet.

Adolin leaned in and kissed Kaladin on the cheek. Kaladin felt the blush rise once more.

“I’m going to go find Father and the others and tell them what’s going on. You need some sleep.” He said, gentle yet firm.

Adolin relinquished Kaladin's hands, then turned to lead him somewhere else, presumably his bedroom. 

_ What exactly just happened? _ Kaladin thought, automatically following, resisting the urge to touch the spot on his cheek where Adolin had kissed him. The spot seemed to tingle with some sort of energy, like Stormlight but less intense.

Kaladin had seen Adolin’s bedroom once before, when he and Renarin went to wake him up when he overslept once. As he looked around, he noticed it was mostly the same, with some differences. Beside Adolin’s collection of swords on the wall, there was a similarly styled collection of spears. He recognized one of them as the very spear he used when he fought to save Adolin and Dalinar at the Tower. There were the sea-silk pillows that Kaladin remembered, but there was also a military-issued pillow that Kaladin always found he slept the best on. The open wardrobe held suits and uniforms in 2 sizes, one slightly longer than the other. 

This room… It  _ was _ Adolin’s, but at the same time, it was  _ his _ . It was something that terrified him a little. It was  _ theirs _ . He could have had this life, had some unknown factors been different.

“Try and get some rest, okay? If you find you can’t, there's some sleeping medicine in the drawer of the bed stand next to you. The doctor said not to use it too much, but this is a special occasion. I have a feeling you should be well-rested for tomorrow.”

“I’ll try.” Kaladin said absently, still marveling at the small signs of his own presence. His only 2 pairs of boots that he insisted on not collecting more of sitting next to Adolin’s contrastingly large shoe and boot collection. A picture of him and Adolin on the wall, caught in a moment of laughter by one of Shallan’s memories. A small tapestry on another wall with the Bridge Four glyph embroidered onto it. A thousand little things left behind from the Kaladin that lived here. It was a scene, a window into the daily life of that other man who he shared a face with.

“Goodnight.” Adolin said, smiling at Kaladin, before shutting the door.

The sapphire lamp on either wall cast everything in an ethereal sort of blue light. For the first time since arriving, he felt like he could  _ belong  _ here, if he wanted to. Something about it was so comforting, yet foreign. He gently touched the picture of him and Adolin laughing together with joyspren around them, something akin to reverence in him as he felt the lacquer on top of the thick drawing paper.

But it wasn’t his. It was someone else's. Once everything went back to normal, he would have to forget about this. Carry on as he had been before. He could feel at peace with that. He was a visitor, passing through on his way back home. He covered the lamps with their cloth, shrouding the room in darkness.

For the second time that night, he crawled into bed.

“Kaladin, are you okay?”

Kaladin jumped, sitting up. Syl was by the doorway, glowing softly in the darkness. How long had she been there?

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me! You  _ always _ say you’re fine, even when you’re not! How are you  _ actually  _ feeling?”

How  _ was _ he feeling?

“I don’t know honestly. Surprised?”

“You don’t  _ sound  _ surprised. Usually when you’re surprised your eyes go wide and your mouth opens and you talk louder. You sound confused more than anything.”

“I guess I am. I think at some point I stopped having those reactions because it was too much. I’m surprised  _ and  _ confused. And embarrassed, and shocked, and worried, and feeling like I’m helpless, and  _ augh _ !” He covered his face with his hands again. The strange comfort he had felt had vanished, leaving the usual anxiety in its place.

“And… and a bunch of other things. I’m no good at identifying what it is I’m actually feeling. There’s just all this stuff there that is beyond me to interpret correctly. And that nameless stuff is usually only there in small quantities, because I usually know how I should feel about a situation. But right now, there is so much of it that I don’t know what to do. It makes me feel a special kind of useless.” He uncovered his eyes, but still left his hands on his face.

“That does sound confusing.” she sat on the bed stand, contemplative. “What are you going to do when you get back to your time-line?”

“I don’t know. Go back to how things were before, I guess? Just because I saw an alternate time-line where…” He blushed,  _ again _ . He was worse than Shallan today. “This… Happened doesn’t  _ mean _ anything for my own time-line. Like I said, even if he wanted to be with me, and even if  _ I _ wanted to be with  _ him _ , which I haven't even begun to think about in any way for this very reason,  _ Adolin is married _ . We couldn’t be together in the first place.” he turned his head to face Syl. “So yeah. I would go back to normal. Try to forget this ever happened. Not much else I could do about it even if I wanted to, which I wouldn’t. I was  _ happy  _ where I was.” As close to happy as he could get, at least.

“I wish I could say the right words to you, Kaladin. This whole situation doesn’t make sense.”

Kaladin sighed, flopping down on the bed, on what he assumed to be his other self’s side, judging by the pillow placement. It smelled like Adolin, which made the damn blush rise.

“You got that right. You’ll get your Kaladin back soon enough, Syl. I wonder how the other Kaladin is doing with my Syl.”

“I thought he hadn't woken up yet. You got sleep before you came here, right?”

“Oh, right.” Kaladin wondered how that worked. Wouldn’t that mean that there were a few hours lost somewhere? If the other Kaladin didn’t switch until however long it took for Kaladin to fall asleep, wouldn’t that mean that Kaladin was actually in 2 timelines at once, in a way? If the other Kaladin hadn’t woken up yet, Kaladin’s past self was still asleep in the barracks, not having experienced any of this yet, despite both Kaladin and his past self being in existence at the same times. More concerningly, where was the other Kaladin during this dual-existence? Did he not exist for those hours, or was there some way to skip forwards past that? It hurt Kaladin’s mind to consider. In any case, he hoped the other Kaladin was okay.

“I’m going to try and get some sleep, Syl.”

“I’ll be nearby, if you need to call on me, as always.”

He smiled at her. “Thanks Syl. Goodnight.”

She smiled back. “Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 yes :,)[return to text]
> 
> 2 Kaladin: Adolin most likely has never thought of me that way!  
> Adolin and Syl: girl...  
> [return to text]
> 
> They discuss, and Kaladin still doesn’t want to confront his feelings that he’s having. Adolin is trying to take care of Kaladin in the best way he knows how while still respecting his boundaries. Syl is nosy, as always, but Kaladin needs someone nosy to get him to open up. It's finally sinking in for Kaladin that this is real, and that freaks him out. Also, footnotes. It was supposed to be a one time joke for the fiction book line but I’ve accidentally added like 5 footnotes in the drafts I have so far. I am having too much fun. Think of it as women’s subscript in Vorin books. Just the one chapter for today. The next update will be fun.


	6. Chapter 6

Kaladin drifted. 

He didn’t know where he was. He was unsure of where he’d been. He was… He was… 

Kaladin stood in his sitting room. He turned around and he saw himself, head in his betrothed’s lap, asleep. Despite appearing to be right next to them, he somehow knew he was far, far away. Adolin looked so content, and Kaladin felt love swell in him. 

The scene faded in a way that didn’t make sense. It drifted further away from him, but not in a physical sense. He almost felt as if a part of him were straining, lagging behind. But in something that felt like an instant, it popped forward, detaching him from something.

He suddenly felt that wherever he was, it was foreign. No, not foreign. Wherever he was, it was home to nothing. This was  _ unknown _ . Positively, wholeheartedly, and completely  _ disconnected _ from anything he had ever experienced or that any living thing would experience. Never had he felt such a lack of familiarity. The only thing recognizable was his own self, his very soul, represented by his mind as a body that looked like him, but somehow was nothing more than a recreation.

He knew, somehow and suddenly, that something was looking at him. He turned in directions that should not have been possible, trying to find the source. He saw it, an eye that did not look like an eye, a hole in this reality that did not have a floor or ceiling, that had no dimensions beyond Kaladin himself. He stared the eye back, feeling defiant. His mind could not define why he felt defiant, why he felt the need to stare down whatever mind was behind that eye. He felt in return an emotion that was not his. Did it come from the eye? The emotion was incomprehensible. It was not anger, nor fear, nor sadness, nor joy. It, like the space itself, was completely disconnected from Kaladin’s experience. These things were not something Kaladin was  _ built  _ to experience.

He felt a jolt of deja vu. Not because the space he was in was familiar, but because… Because…

The eye looked away, although he could still tell he was being observed, just less closely. Something reached out to him, and he reached back towards it.

And then, a single connection. This being, it cared for the places between the stars. No, not between the stars, between the between the stars. It saw, and it danced, and it connected things together. It was content. Kaladin was its guest, a being to be carefully cared for before being sent to where he was going. As he felt the connection to this being, he felt it was connected to him in return, that it understood him in a way.

CHILD OF A COSMERE , it said affectionately.

Kaladin felt another jolt of deja vu. It faded, and he was returned to his thoughts. 

He wondered, mind only being able to think in impressions, where he was. Simple curiosity ruled him in the moment, pure, and untainted. He knew even as he wondered that he would never be able to understand the place. He would never have the time, as meaningless as that concept was here. Time was not something that inherently existed, he realized. He gave it meaning through his own self. So while time did not exist here, he gave time to this place through his soul.

Another jolt of deja vu.

He settled for enjoying the small amount of not-time that he did have. He held the connection with the creature in his mind the same way one might hold a delicious food in their mouth, savoring the experience of it.

Another jolt of deja vu.

Those were coming in shorter intervals, he noticed. He was sure that the other one had taken longer. Right? 

Another jolt.

They were spiraling.  _ He _ was spiraling, more like it, and they were just a sign of his momentum, like the feeling of wind on his skin when falling.

Another jolt. Then another. Then another and another and another-

The feeling pulsed within him, and he somehow knew he was falling. He did not fear the feeling, feeling the freedom and joy of cascading through the strange not-reality at a high speed within him as he plummeted towards something unknown.


	7. Chapter 7

Vevesev, 1174

Kaladin woke up with a gasp.

The strange impressions from his dream were quickly fading, and he couldn’t make much sense of them. It seemed to not want to stick in his mind, like his mind was water and it was oil which had been temporarily displaced into the water, and now floated back to the surface.

He breathed heavy breaths, feeling like he had just run a race. His heart hammered within his chest. What  _ was _ that?

Kaladin realized, with a start, that he was not where he should be. This was his old room in the barracks. The one he gave to Sigzil when he moved in with Adolin a couple months back.

Was he still dreaming? It felt real, but then, so did many dreams.

He looked around, waiting for the pieces to start clicking together. They didn’t.

He flopped down on the bed that was still familiar to him. He had spent a year or so sleeping on this bed, in this room. Maybe his mind was trying to tell him something? Shallan had talked once about dreams being a reflection of your subconscious desires in abstract ways. Maybe he missed simpler times, when he hadn’t been quite so deep in the mud of fighting fused and singers?

He turned over, already feeling drowsiness overtake him once more. He didn’t know what time it was in real life, but his dream body felt like it was the middle of the night. It was such a comforting feeling that he felt himself give into it. 

After all, when he went to bed in the dream world, he should wake up in the real one.


	8. Chapter 8

Kaladin did not wake up in the real world.

Feeling more well rested, it was much more obvious that this was indeed real life. But why was everything so  _ off _ ? Why did he wake up in a bed that was no longer his? Was he in some sort of strange vision? Anxiety quietly grew within him as he stepped out on a quest to find Adolin.

It did not sit right with him at  _ all _ to wake up in a place other than where he fell asleep, especially when he shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Not only did he wake up there, his small amount of possessions had been in the room too, in similar placements to where he had them before he had moved out.

Maybe Syl would know something about what was going on? He reached out to her mentally as he walked towards his and Adolin’s rooms.

_ Syl? Where are you right now? Can you come here? Something strange is going on. _

A moment passed, then Syl responded,  _ I’m doing my morning flight right now. What’s happening? _

_ I’m not quite sure. I woke up somewhere where I know I didn’t fall asleep and it’s worrying me. Nothing seems to suggest imminent danger, but I’m still concerned. _

_ I’ll be over in a minute. _

She stopped after that, and Kaladin continued his purposeful stride towards his rooms to find Adolin. As he turned the corner and neared the door to the room, Adolin walked out, dressed for the day. 

“Adolin!” Kaladin called, feeling his anxiety ease a little. While he didn’t think that Adolin would have been harmed, it was still good to see that he was okay. Adolin might have some answers as to what had happened.

Adolin smiled at him, and Kaladin walked the rest of the distance to him and gathered him in an embrace. 

Strangely, Adolin seemed more tentative than usual before wrapping his arms around Kaladin.

“Are you okay, Kal?” Adolin asked, concerned.

Kaladin pulled back, seeing that Adolin was confused and a little concerned, mirroring Kaladin’s own emotions.

“I woke up in the barracks this morning, well in the middle of the night and then the morning actually, and all of my things were there, in the room. I can’t make sense of it.”

Adolin looked baffled. So, this was news to him too, then? Had he not noticed Kaladin’s absence in bed that morning? Maybe he had just thought that Kaladin had given up on sleeping and gotten up for the day early, as sometimes happened during bad bouts of insomnia. Kaladin sighed.

“I had been hoping that you might know something about it, but it seems you are just as confused as I am.”

“I… Yes, I am confused. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Kaladin nodded. “I am okay, though I am worried about it. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on.”

Shallan walked out of his and Adolin’s rooms. When did she get there? Was she meeting with Adolin for breakfast or something? What was going on?

“Kaladin. Good to see you. What brings you here?” Shallan said.

_ What brings you here? _ This was his home. He _ lived _ here. He looked at her, confused.

“Kaladin woke up in his room at the barracks, and is confused about why that happened.” Adolin filled in. 

Adolin and Shallan shared a concerned look, then almost simultaneously, they both looked at Kaladin. Suddenly, Kaladin got the feeling that he had been misreading them. They seemed to be confused by  _ him _ rather than the situation. That made him uncomfortable. This seemed to be bigger than he had originally thought.

“That’s… what happens when you go to sleep somewhere,” Shallan said slowly, concerned. “You wake up where you go to sleep, usually.”

Kaladin frowned. “I  _ didn’t _ go to sleep there.”

“Where else would you have gone to sleep?” Adolin asked.

Something was wrong. Something was  _ very _ wrong. Why would his betrothed not think that he would have slept in his bed? Kaladin started to tense up, looking at them warily. They grew even more concerned in response.

“Kaladin? Kaladin, are you okay?” Shallan asked, half reaching out a hand towards him.

He was considering running when he heard something in the distance. Footsteps, coming closer. They sounded like a run. Kaladin drew in stormlight reflexively, sending a mental command for Syl to get here,  _ now _ , in case he needed a spear. 

Renarin turned the corner. He spotted Kaladin, and stopped, pointing at him.

“You!” Renarin yelled. He seemed to be somewhat frantic. He continued his stormlight-boosted run, and Kaladin, driven by both Renarin’s state and his own unease about the situation, panicked, lashing himself to the ceiling, and breaking into his own run.

“Kaladin! Stop!” Renarin yelled.

Syl arrived at that moment.

“What’s going on?” Syl yelled over the sound of Kaladin running.

_ I don’t know. Something is very wrong _ . He sent mentally, not wanting to waste stormlight by talking.

“Kaladin!” Renarin shouted again. “Stop running! I know what’s going on! I can explain it to you!”

Kaladin hesitated. He stopped running, then turned around, still in a stance that he could fight from, if need be. Renarin caught up to him, a completely befuddled Adolin and Shallan following, stopping around 20 feet from where he was on the ceiling.

“Kaladin. You’ve seen some things that don’t make sense. You woke up in your barracks. You have…” he glanced at Adolin and Shallan behind him, then looked back at Kaladin. “Noticed some other things that aren’t right. You’re not in danger. Come down so I can explain it to you.”

Kaladin considered. He seemed genuine. And more than that, he seemed to be the only one out of them who wasn’t completely and utterly confused, judging by Adolin and Shallan and even Syl’s expression.

_ Deep breaths, Kaladin. You’re okay _ . Adolin’s voice, calming him even when he wasn’t there. Or even when he was, apparently.

Kaladin tentatively canceled his lashing, landing back on the floor. He cautiously approached them. Renarin sighed in relief.

“What is going on?” Kaladin asked of Renarin.

“Come with me. It’s complicated.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other Kaladin makes his arrival! And promptly confuses everyone, particularly Adolin, half to death. You can just see the question marks accumulating above Adolin’s head. This Kaladin was in a pocket dimension for a while before he got there, which was actually really fun to write. He’s much more jumpy than the other Kaladin, because he didn’t have Adolin there with him as he woke up to tell him what was going on. 
> 
> Thanks for all the hits and kudos and comments! It makes me happy to see that people enjoy the story I'm telling :)


	9. Chapter 9

On their way to wherever Renarin was leading them, Kaladin found himself drifting towards Adolin more than once, and had to stop himself. Something was wrong with this Adolin. He didn’t remember Kaladin being moved in with him. It hurt, but Kaladin didn’t know the full extent of what he did or did not remember. Best to be safe. Even knowing that, it was hard to keep himself from idly linking their hands together.

The room was mostly empty other than a table with some things on it, and a large board on the wall that had many papers with somewhat shaky pictures and writing on them connected to each other with strings. Kaladin blushed just a little when he realized they were probably written and drawn by Renarin himself. Even after everything, it was still strange to see a man who was not an ardent drawing and writing freely.

“This Kaladin that we see before us is not the same Kaladin that we saw yesterday.”

Kaladin blinked. He had no idea what that meant.

“What?” Adolin said, frowning.

“He is… how do you say it. The other me had this clever explanation with strings and stuff. I wonder if I could make it a bit simpler than that.”

“The  _ other _ you?” Shallan asked.

Renarin rubbed his hands together, thinking.

“Here are the basics. You need to understand time. People make decisions, which affect the future. Every time someone makes a decision, the cosmere duplicates itself, making it so there is a cosmere in which they made one of the possible decisions, and another cosmere in which they made another of the possible decisions. Both cosmeres are as real as the other, but we can only live in one at a time, so we can not touch any of the other cosmeres, mostly.” he pointed at Kaladin.

“He is from a very similar but different cosmere which split off at some point from our own. Like children born of the same parent.”

Kaladin didn’t quite understand, and it looked like Adolin didn’t either, but Shallan nodded hesitantly.

“So, there are 2 of each of us? 2 Kaladins, 2 Renarins, 2 Shallans, 2 Adolins, and so on?”

“More than 2,” Renarin said, “there are an infinite number of cosmeres with an infinite amount of us in them. But we are only concerned with 2 right now. Ours, and the one that this Kaladin is from.”

Kaladin still didn’t understand. 2 of him? 2 of all of them?

“I’ve been talking to the other Renarin from the other cosmere. Usually I shouldn’t be able to, but our cosmeres are very… Close, for some reason, which allowed our Kaladin and this Kaladin to switch places to begin with. He says that our Kaladin arrived in their cosmere sometime last night, after the dinner the 3 of you had, and was very confused and alarmed.

“What is it that’s different in that cosmere? This Kaladin was very confused that he woke up in his room in the barracks, so clearly there is something different that would be noticed by both Kaladins.” Shallan said.

Renarin nodded, looking between them. “That… makes sense.” he seemed hesitant about something. “I don’t know how to say this. I know what is different, and it is actually very easy to explain but…” he looked down for a second, before meeting their gazes again. “It’s… not something that you would probably expect. I’m going to tell Kaladin first what’s going on, then figure out how to tell you guys. Or maybe just get the courage to.”

Adolin looked lost, much as Kaladin himself felt, and Shallan tilted her head at Renarin.

“I’d talk to Kaladin alone, for a moment. Just briefly. That includes you, Syl.”

Syl, who had been flitting around, stopped. She formed into a young woman, then looked at Renarin, confused.

“Me too?” Syl said, sounding worried.

“It will only take a second, Syl. I promise. Shallan, can you work on explaining the concept a bit more to Adolin and Syl? Adolin looks a bit confused.”

“Sure, but you’re really concerning me. You promise to tell us afterwards?” Shallan asked.

Renarin nodded in response, and the 3 of them, uneasy, left. Renarin waited until the door shut behind them.

“So Kaladin. 2 cosmeres. You are from the cosmere where you got engaged to Adolin.”

Kaladin nodded.

“This cosmere is different. In this cosmere, you are not engaged to Adolin.”

Despite how concerning that was, it made sense. Why he had woken up in the barracks. Why Adolin acted strange. But, why was there a cosmere where he hadn’t gotten engaged to Adolin? That made him worry.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Adolin and Shallan never broke off their betrothal in this cosmere, and they are married now.”

Even though it probably shouldn’t have, it hurt Kaladin. He felt a little sting of jealousy, despite himself. He took this in.

“You should also know that the Syl here is from this cosmere, not yours. She won’t have memories of your engagement. There was some confusion about that on the other side, I was told.” Renarin added.

“Is there a way I can get back to my cosmere?” He asked.

“Probably, the other me shared some plans that might work, but I-” he cut off, looking at the ground beside them. The ground that had twisting, infinitely detailed lines on it, swirling slowly.

“Pattern!” he said, almost chastising. He walked over to the door, then opened it to reveal Shallan who was trying to listen through the door, Syl and Adolin next to her.

“Shallan, I was going to tell you. You didn’t have to send Pattern.”

“Sorry.” she said, looking apologetic, but not remorseful. “Just wanted to be sure.”

Kaladin looked at Shallan in a different way. This Shallan was  _ married _ to this Adolin. Kaladin found that he couldn’t resent her for it. After all,  _ this _ Adolin was not his betrothed, despite looking and acting like him. But it was just profoundly  _ odd _ . Witty, smart, freedom-seeking Shallan, settling down in a marriage with Adolin? He just couldn’t see it.

“Why is Kaladin looking at me like I’m a flying chull?” Shallan asked. “Whatever it is that’s different relates to me, doesn’t it?”

Kaladin looked at Renarin, who looked back at him. Someone _ has to tell them _ , Kaladin tried to say through his expression. He could see why it would be awkward, however. 

“Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to get Pattern to repeat back what you said?” Shallan said, a little threateningly. Renarin shied back beneath that gaze.

“Fine!” He finally said. “Just… come inside. Sit down. And I’ll tell you.” 

They filed back in, and Renarin once again shut the door behind them. Once they were all seated, he sighed, then started.

“In the other cosmere, Shallan is not married to Adolin.”

The room's occupants, other than Renarin himself, looked surprised. Kaladin turned and pointed a look at Renarin.  _ That’s it? Are you going to say the other part? _

“That hardly seems like something to make all the fuss over. Surprising, yes, but understandable.” Shallan said.

“Why aren’t we married in the other cosmere?” Adolin asked, concerned.

“Well, you see,” Renarin said, looking away and fidgeting with his hands. “Adolin is kind of… Engaged to someone else?”

_ Seriously? Just spit it out _ . Shallan searched Renarin’s face, thinking. Adolin, for his part, looked even more confused. He even saw a storming anticipationspren start waving from the ground.

“It’s me.” Kaladin said at last, not being able to stand this half talk and beating around the bush. “I am engaged to the Adolin there. And I would  _ really _ like to get back to him and to my life, so are there any questions before we start trying to figure out how to switch me and the other Kaladin back?” He was slightly annoyed as he said it.

The effect was immediate. Renarin looked surprised by his forwardness, Syl stopped zipping around and remained stationary, mouth hanging open, Shallan’s eyes went wide as she stared at him, her easy blush coming to her face, and Adolin…

Well, Adolin looked like he was going into shock. His eyes bored into Kaladin, disbelieving, like he was still processing what he said. He looked a little scared, to be honest, and again, while it shouldn’t have hurt Kaladin, it did a little. A blush rose on Adolin’s face, incrementally becoming more and more pronounced. He almost felt a little bad. But, he had to find out one way or another. Best to rip it off like a bandage.

Silence permeated the room, presumably as they took in what Kaladin had said.

At long last, Syl spoke. A single, drawn out word.

“Really?”

It seemed to echo the sentiment of Adolin and Shallan. Like they didn’t quite believe it yet. Just how withdrawn was the Kaladin here for this to be such a shock?

“We first met at Sadeas’ warcamp when I was a bridgeman, we first  _ really _ met when I saved him and Dalinar and their armies at The Tower,'' he started to recount, “We began our relationship some several months after I became captain of Dalinar’s guard, he proposed to me the day after the battle at Thaylan City, we’re to be married Ishiesach of this year, he really likes women’s alcohol better than men’s even though he won’t tell anyone, he has a birthmark on the back of his left thigh, he likes to sing as he bathes, and the most embarrassing moment of his life was when he accidentally left his date, Jenet, stranded on a mountain, only remembering several hours later, by the time night fell.” He quickly filled his lungs with air, having said the whole thing in only one breath. Hopefully that would be enough for them to believe him in earnest.

They all stared at him again, shock renewed. Then, out of nowhere, Shallan started laughing. They all turned to look at her, surprised by the strange reaction.

“You really _ are  _ engaged to him! Oh, I am going to be  _ relentless _ when he gets back. Any embarrassing details you can spare?” She said, filled with mirth at the situation. Kaladin smiled. Yes, this still was the Shallan he knew.

Kaladin considered, wondering if he should curse the other Kaladin by giving Shallan fuel for the teasing fire. It was hard to resist. He walked over to her, then leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“I, even before we were in a relationship, could not stop looking at his hair. It baffled me by how good it looked. It still does. I am  _ obsessed _ with it, which means that your Kaladin is at least obsessed-adjacent.” He leaned back out.

“Really?” Shallan said, smiling conspiratorially. Kaladin, not being able to hold back his own smile, nodded.

“Tell me, is your Adolin a major blanket-hog too?” Shallan asked.

Kaladin rubbed his face, expression shifting into a long suffering one. “Heralds, yes! I had to get my own blanket to keep in the closet for when I wake up shivering in the middle of the night because they're all on his side!”

“You’re kidding. I ended up doing the  _ same _ thing. I don’t have the heart to potentially wake him up by taking some of the blankets back.”

“Me neither!”

“And his  _ snoring _ .”

“I think it’s cute, actually.”

“You’re a madman.” She smiled at him. She looked like she considered saying something, then ultimately went with it.

“And if  _ my _ sparring sessions with him are anything to go by…” She wiggled her eyebrows knowingly and suggestively. “Well, I assume that they end differently than they begin quite often with you, too.” Kaladin looked away, a small blush coming to his face, though it did not shake the strange joy of the connection with this other Shallan.

“I must admit,” Renarin said beside them, “watching you two discuss like this is quite surreal in an entertaining way. But I think that Adolin is having a crisis.”

Kaladin and Shallan both turned their heads to look at Adolin, who was staring at them, blush more prominent than ever. Kaladin had never seen him so utterly befuddled.

“Adolin, dear, I give you my permission as your wife to kiss this Kaladin once. Or twice. Or more.” Shallan said. Kaladin quirked an eyebrow at her at that, but said nothing. 

“Sh-Shallan!” Adolin said, aghast. The first word from his mouth since Kaladin told all of them what the difference was between their cosmere and his.

“Deep breaths, Adolin.” Kaladin said. He just kept staring at Kaladin. “Should I leave? I think he needs a moment or two to process this.” 

Shallan inspected Adolin. Then she walked over, held his face in her hands, then kissed him on the forehead.

“I’m going to take Kaladin to get some breakfast, okay? Take whatever time you need. Is that okay?” She said gently.

Adolin stared at her a moment, then slowly nodded. She smiled and kissed him on the forehead again, then rose and took Kaladin’s arm, leading him out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

They walked halfway down the corridor in silence, before Shallan burst out in boisterous laughter, stopping mid-stride. Kaladin looked at her a moment before it got to him too, and he started laughing. They stood there, bent over in laughter, for a solid minute. Their laughter started to die off. 

Then they met each other's eyes.

And promptly started laughing themselves silly again. Kaladin even felt  _ tears _ spring to his eyes.

“Oh God. Oh Almighty.” Kaladin said between snickers.

“I c-can’t beli-believe this-s-s!” Shallan said around her own laughter, tears forming in her own eyes.

“His face!” Kaladin said.

“His  _ face _ !” Shallan agreed.

“Oh, man. I need a minute.” Kaladin said, laugher starting to fade, though the mirth was still in the air. He continued to laugh occasionally even as he tried to take deep breaths.

“ _ Seriously _ .” Shallan said, wiping her eyes. “Sweet son of Honor. Ash’s eyes.” 

They stood there for a moment or two, just basking in the strange ridiculousness of the situation. Kaladin continued to walk, glancing back to make sure Shallan kept up. She started walking alongside him.

“You know Shallan, when Renarin told me you were married to Adolin, I wasn’t sure how you would take my being here. It’s not everyday that someone swoops in from another cosmere and claims to be engaged to your husband.”

“It’s not everyday you get thrown into a cosmere where you suddenly find out that someone is married to your betrothed.” Shallan quipped back. “Besides, it’s not as if you’re engaged to  _ my _ husband, you’re engaged to someone else who looks and acts like my husband, but who I am not married to.”

Kaladin nodded emphatically. “Exactly! That’s what I thought too. Although you did give him permission to kiss me.”

She looked at him, amused. “If he wanted to take you up on it, would you?” She asked.

He quirked a smile. “Maybe.”

“You realize the other Kaladin would be  _ mortified _ by that, right?” she said, not even a  _ hint _ of a hint of remorse in her bearing.

“ _ ‘The other Kaladin’ _ .” Kaladin said in a nasal tone, before switching back to normal. “Let him be. I was so emotionally clogged up before Adolin forced me to actually  _ deal _ with my feelings. I don’t know if yours figured it out or not, but I’m assuming not. I am nothing if not stubborn. But in any case this is good for him. Let him figure it out. If he doesn’t, do me a favor and spell it out for him, if you would be so kind.”

She smiled at him, seeming to consider him.

“You aren’t what I would have expected. I thought… Well, I thought that you were going to act as our Kaladin would. Hole up at the slightest sign of embarrassment. But instead you steal the show from Renarin and tell us  _ yourself _ that you’re engaged to the other Adolin.”

“For the record, you weren’t exactly what I thought you would be either. I thought you would be defensive, or at least awkward. I should have known better. You know, I feel this strange kinship that I  _ definitely _ wasn’t expecting. We’re bonding over being married- or almost married in my case- to Adolin, for Honor’s sake!”

She nodded in agreement.

They walked the rest of the way chattering about this and that. Various tidbits from Kaladin’s life in his own cosmere, and tidbits from Shallan’s in this one. Shallan extracted more things from Kaladin that she could use to tease the other Kaladin. In a way, it was not so different to talking to the Shallan back home. This Shallan was witty and liked to crack jokes, and always had some new perspective on things, just like his Shallan. He thought that being involved with (kind of) the same person would polarize them, but instead it brought them closer together.

They arrived at his- no, Shallan and Adolin’s- rooms. 

“And that’s when I said, Adolin, put that axehound down or so help me- oh, we’re here. So what do you want for breakfast? We can get just about anything that you might want.”

“Crab cake? With the spiced curry?” 

She nodded, then went to go get the spanreed they kept in their small dining area. She wrote out the request, though the one in Kaladin and Adolin’s rooms had the cooks respond to glyphs, as neither one could write. Even after all this time, it still seemed extravagant to Kaladin that he could have any meal, any time of the day. There were still cooks up at night, waiting for requests from various lighteyes. He almost felt bad, but stopped at some point. The service was there to be used, right? Why not take advantage of it, if it was going to be there anyway?

“Why am I not married to Adolin in your cosmere? Did you just… I hate to put it this way, get there first?” Shallan piped up, after she had finished writing the request, turning the ruby to signal that she was done.

Ah. The question. The one she had avoided talking about in the open hallways where someone might listen. He could tell it had been at the front of her brain. He had wondered if she would ask it or not. Turns out she did, she just needed to feel safe first.

“From what I understand, you and Adolin broke off your betrothal because you liked each other better as friends than lovers. Actually, I should preface this by saying you are very much still part of the family. Your ties to us are not through Adolin, even though that was once the case when you arrived for the first time. You have and will forever have a place in our hearts and in our homes.”

“Flatterer.”

“It's true! You’re usually the first any of us goes to when we need advice. You  _ are _ a royal advisor for Jasnah, after all. You sit with us at family dinner. You are a Kholin in all but name. It’s funny, last night you had dinner with Adolin and Kaladin? We had dinner with the exact same people. It’s funny that, even when things are so different, how some things don’t change. Anyway.”

“Your relationship with Adolin, again from what I understand, was always more platonic. There were hints of romance, of course, but I think that you saw that you were always going to be important to us, after a point. You held great value on your freedom. Maybe that’s the difference between you and her. Something must have happened either on your trip here, or sometime shortly after arriving. Because you  _ are  _ different. I must believe that something happened differently to cause the change. She didn’t want to become pinned down in one spot, with one person as stationary as Adolin.”

Is it “I…” Shallan looked slightly disturbed. “I think I might know what might have happened. Storms. To think that it could have changed things so much.”[3] 

That expression made Kaladin worry.

“Anything I should know about?”

“Not really. It’s kind of personal.” She said with a forced light tone.

Kaladin eyed her, wondering if it was worth it to push. Probably not, he decided. This wasn’t his Shallan, and she was entitled to her privacy in any case.

“Anyway, you haven’t remained completely single. You’ve had a couple relationships with different people, though the only one I actually remember the name of is your most recent one, Ishnah. One of your Lightweavers. I either didn’t know you quite well enough or they didn’t last long enough for me to know them, for some of the other ones. Your relationship seems to be loose, which you seem to like. You drag her to dinner with us sometimes.”

“Ishnah?” Shallan said, blushing. “Hmm, I can see it. She is a pretty face, and we do get along well.”

“You seem to me to be happy in my cosmere, as far as I can tell. If that means anything to you.”

Shallan nodded, lost in thought. Kaladin gave her a second to take it in, taking the time to fetch them both cups of water. He noticed some differences in the decoration, and thought them curious. It was interesting to see what things would have looked like had events gone differently. A different shade of the same room.

He reached for a cup from the cupboard instinctively, only to find his hand collided with bowls instead.  _ Oh _ . He actually looked, and saw that the cups were relocated to the lowest level. So Shallan could reach? That was funny, in a way. Kaladin smiled.

When he walked back over with the water, he saw Shallan sitting on the table, feet on a chair, thinking.[4]  She noticed him walk in with the water and nodded in thanks when he handed her the glass. 

She took a sip, then asked, “So how are you planning to tackle last names? Are you going to be a Kholin?”

Kaladin sat down on the table next to her, legs finding their own chair to rest on. “We were thinking a combination of both of our house names. Stormblessed-Kholin. Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin. Adolin Stormblessed-Kholin.”

She nodded in approval. “Stormblessed-Kholin.” She said, sounding it out. “It rolls off the tongue. Communicates the identity of both sides, and that you’re married. I like it.” She took another sip of water.

A knock sounded at the door. 5 knocks, in a certain rhythm. The food was here.

“I’ll get it.” Kaladin said. Shallan nodded in acknowledgement.

He met the master-servant just outside the room, who held a plate of crab cake and curry, and another plate with a sweet pastry on it. It was probably Shallan’s. He thanked the master servant, then went back to the dining room.

He gave Shallan her pastry, then got a fork for himself, sat down and began eating. Shallan stayed in her place atop the table, eating her pastry with one hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3She is talking about her interactions with the Ghostbloods. This wasn’t the only factor, but this Shallan thinks it is.[return to text]
> 
> 4Gay people don’t sit right and that is something that transcends universes.[return to text]
> 
> BFFs forever!! Not really, since AU Kaladin has to go home. They just have a certain chemistry together that is quite fun to write, although it did take me by surprise when my hands wrote the words. Sometimes my hands and mind operate on different wavelengths. Canon Kaladin isn’t going to be happy when he hears that they gossiped together. The next update will be from the canon Kaladin’s POV, although there will be more au Kaladin POV to come.


	11. Chapter 11

Vevesev, 1174

Kaladin awoke to someplace unfamiliar.

He snapped his eyes open, his mind taking a moment to realize where he was. Adolin’s room.

It took another moment to remember what had happened. He had switched places with the engaged-to-Adolin Kaladin.

It took  _ another _ moment more for the self-consciousness and mortification to set in, his stomach twisting just a little and that stupid  _ stupid _ blush that he was really starting to get sick of returning.

He took a minute, just sitting there, face buried in blankets that smelled like Adolin. It smelled vaguely like a mix of the soap used to wash the sheets and the different colognes Adolin wore, which were inseparable in Kaladin’s mind from the presence of Adolin himself. It was actually a  _ pleasant _ feeling, which became another log on the fire of Kaladin’s embarrassment.

He determinedly did  _ not _ think about what it would be like to wake up next to him in the morning, or how he would look when asleep, or if he was a cuddler, or-

_ Stop _ .  _ You shouldn’t think of those things _ .

He threw his legs over the bed, then stretched. He had slept in his off-duty clothes, the ones the other Kaladin had on before they had switched. It seemed that the other Kaladin and him had roughly the same taste in clothing. Simple. Plain. Utility over aesthetics. He could see Adolin’s influence on the clothing that had more color and intricate designs on them, but even they tended to be on the less ostentatious side. 

Kaladin considered if he should switch to his uniform or not. Perhaps he should assign Teft to lead the training today. He didn’t know what kind of schedule this other Kaladin was on, and he didn’t want to bother Shallan by having her read all of it out, or try and explain to a scribe why he didn’t remember his own schedule. He also didn’t want to slip and misspeak, especially when he would have little to no idea what things were and weren’t different. 

Even still, it couldn’t hurt. He just felt more _ in control _ when he was wearing a uniform. And The Almighty knew, he could use a little of that confidence boost right now. He went to the closet, even still feeling like he was digging into someone else’s things, that at any moment he would find that everything had been a dream, that Adolin would walk in and demand to know why Kaladin was rooting around in his closet.

He found the uniform jacket and pulled it out. Storms, was that  _ gold _ embroidered on it? He looked at it, disbelieving. Were they  _ all _ like this? He took out another, and found that, blessedly, it looked normal. He sighed in relief. He didn’t know how he would have felt about wearing a gold-trimmed Bridge Four uniform. It was probably Adolin’s fault. He felt reasonably confident in the stability of his own identity that he wouldn’t get something like that of his own volition.

With some more searching, he found an undershirt and pants, although he had to put a shirt back when he realized it was too small for him. He dressed beside the door, worried that Adolin might barge in, so he could shut it before it opened completely. Dressing, like everything else, seemed slightly surreal. He noticed again the signs of his being there, mind now rested enough to take them in properly. That picture of him and Adolin laughing surrounded by blue leaves… It made him feel something he couldn’t quite label. Something that he felt uncomfortable calling ‘longing’, but he couldn’t come up with any other word that resembled it.

He couldn’t rationalize it in a way that gave him peace of mind, so he uneasily set it to the side. He didn’t know how to face whatever might be behind that if he accepted it. Syl would have chided him for that if she had been aware of it. ‘Not facing your own feelings is a form of lying!’ she would say. ‘It’s lying to yourself!’. He decided that he didn’t quite see it that way, though he could tell where she came from. There were so many things someone could think about, it wasn’t lying if he decided to think about something else. Even as he thought it, he saw it for the rationalization it was, which made him uncomfortable. It would have to do. He  _ would _ face this eventually, just not right now. 

He walked out of the bedroom, and into the sitting room. Adolin was not there, so he tried the kitchen. He wasn’t there either. Had he left? He wouldn’t have left without telling Kaladin, would he?

“Adolin?” He called.

“In here!” Adolin called back from Kaladin’s left. It came from the dining room.

He walked in to see 2 plates of food on the table. Adolin smiled at him when he entered. Emotionally unsettled as he was, that smile did something to Kaladin. The blush, which would most likely be his steady companion until this was resolved, and probably at least a week after, flared.

“I got you food. I figured you wouldn’t want to eat with the whole family right now.”

It struck him how utterly domestic that was. Something so simple, yet somehow personal. Kaladin realized that Adolin’s own food was untouched. Adolin had waited for Kaladin to get there so they could eat together. Another simple thing that just about wrecked him inside. At this rate, he would not be able to simply ignore his internal state as he had first planned. That was dangerous.

“I…” He just stood there for a second, looking at Adolin. “Thank you.”

He sat down, and saw that the dish Adolin had gotten him was crab cakes with a specific kind of spiced curry that Kaladin loved.  _ Storms _ . He felt himself  _ trembling _ a little.  _ Is this what it would be like _ , Kaladin thought as he picked up his fork,  _ to live with Adolin? All these small acts of consideration? _ The delicious taste of the curry hit his tongue, and he deteriorated further.

“How are you doing, Kaladin?” Adolin said, pausing in eating his own dish, some kind of meat with sauce on it. “You look like you’re… slightly distressed. Did I do anything wrong?”

Adolin stopping and thinking to ask how Kaladin was, in such a tender tone of voice no less. Another blow. Kaladin would not be able to keep up if this kept going. 

“I’m… I’m fine.” Kaladin said unconvincingly, voice higher pitched than normal.

Thoughts bubbled to the surface of his brain, the efforts that he made towards their containment starting to fail.  _ What a sweet man he must be to live with, getting breakfast with him every morning. How would it feel to fall asleep in those arms? What would it be like to be in that moment of laughter and joy and presumably love that was captured in that picture? _

_ He’s married! _ He tried, admittedly feebly, to remind himself.  _ He’s married to Shallan! _

_ This one isn’t _ . He realized.  _ This one is engaged to  _ me _. _

Something in Kaladin broke. He watched helplessly as the keystone of his mental barrier against the thoughts fell away, leaving the whole thing to collapse. 

He froze with the fork halfway to his mouth, and his left eye started twitching. What would it be like, to have this life? What would it be like, for Adolin to be his? What would it be like, to kiss him, be held by him? What would it be like, to be laughing together, consumed by the joy of each others presence? What would it be like, to love Adolin? Somewhere distant, he noticed that the food had fallen off of his fork. 

He was distressed at the fact that these thoughts were now in his consciousness, but that didn’t stop them from coming.

He felt a hand take the fork out of his own hand, and set it on the plate. Then, he was hauled to his feet and enveloped in a hug.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Adolin said to him quietly. “You’re all right.”

Kaladin, distracted, found his arms wrapping around Adolin of their own volition, then gripping him tightly. He buried his face in Adolin’s hair, overwhelmed.

He wondered, and he imagined, and he envisioned. These things that he had denied himself roamed free, contained no more. The real feeling of being held, the real sensation of Adolin’s hair on his face, the real touch of Adolin’s hand now gently stroking his hair, they all became oil on the fire. 

What would it be like to run his hands through that hair? What would it be like to go to him for support at the end of a day? What would it be like to have that tenderness? What would it be like to hold his hand?

“Let’s go sit down, okay?” Adolin said.

Before he knew what was happening, Adolin had pulled out of the embrace and started leading Kaladin somewhere.  _ Forget what I thought earlier _ , a part of him said sarcastically, mostly drowned out by the rest of the storm in his head, _ when I thought  _ that _ was the most severe blush I’ve had in my life _ .

Kaladin had sat down on the couch, perhaps the one that Adolin slept on last night, staring at the ground. He quickly became familiar with that pattern of the carpet that was in his line of sight, a cream color with flecks of black on it. Short. His eye twitched some more. Adolin rubbed his back with one hand.

“Don’t fight it,” Adolin said soothingly. Soothingly? “Let your thoughts exist and run their course. Give them the space they need. You don’t need to solve everything at this exact moment. Deep breaths, Kaladin. You’re okay.”

Kaladin tried to do as he said. He tried to let go of what he realized was his mind still trying to round up the thoughts and put them back. He tried to make his breathing more even. He, with effort, relinquished his attempt to control his mind. As he did, he felt small. His mind, he realized, was something much bigger than him. He got a say in how it was run, but there was something underneath calling shots too. Something he could not directly observe. That was terrifying in its own right, but he watched as that fear simply joined the rest of the cacophony, himself becoming a silent observer.

Adolin continued to rub his back, the consistent motion a pleasant reminder of his presence. Kaladin continued to sit back and watch as his thoughts swirled in a tempest on the ocean, eventually becoming a rushing river, then slowing down to a trickle. Conscious deep breathing, his chest rising and falling. That same spot on the ground, that he had been looking at the entire time.

Once he was reasonably sure the worst was over, he sat back.

“Storms.” he whispered. “ _ Storms! _ ”

What was he supposed to  _ do  _ now? He couldn’t un-think the thoughts.[5] 

“How did you know?” Kaladin found himself asking. “How did you know what to say?”

“This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, you know.” Adolin said. Kaladin quirked an eyebrow at him.

“I shouldn’t think that time-line switching happens very often.”

“No, I mean… My Kaladin has gone through his share of emotional breakthroughs and breakdowns. I’ve learned how to help him through it.”

Kaladin nodded. That made sense.

“I wonder if Renarin has made contact with the other side by now.” Adolin said idly.

“We should go check.”

“Are you up for it? We don’t have to go right away if you don’t want to.”

“I’m fine.”

“At least eat breakfast first.”

Kaladin sighed, then got up, Adolin joining him shortly after. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he figured he should probably eat something anyway. And the crab cakes  _ were _ delicious.

Just what was he going to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5Lightweavers have an effective 2 step program for this called suppression and repression.[return to text]
> 
> My boy has finally been forced to confront his feelings! He held out until the bitter end, but it all started to weather on him, and then he realizes that this Adolin isn’t married to Shallan, which was the only reason/excuse he had for not confronting his feelings. Exhibit A on why bottling your feelings up isn’t a good idea. They come out one way or another, and it's best to face them as they come rather than letting it wear on you and potentially having a breakdown. Unfortunately, Kaladin doesn’t really know _how_ to face them. Adolin knows what to do in a situation like this, luckily. The update in a couple days is going to be a good one, though I am still working through some formatting issues. Even more confronting of feelings in it!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter has 2 sets of each character, which gets confusing. The way I’ve tried to solve this is by color coding each mention of a character's name. Orange will be the characters from the canon universe, blue will be the characters from the alternate universe, and green will be either both, or the concept of the character themselves. If you don’t want to read the version with the color coding, you can click the button at the top of the page that says “Hide Creator’s Style” and all the text will be uniform black. Enjoy the chapter!

They found Renarin talking with Shallan in his planning room.

“-still concerned about the potential dangers of it. We barely understand what we’re dealing with here.” Renarin was saying to Shallan.

They noticed that Kaladin and Adolin had arrived, and Shallan immediately sized him up.

“So, you’re the other Kaladin I’ve been hearing so much about. Adolin, he’s _blushing_ . He’s _really_ blushing. I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen Kaladin blush.”

Kaladin sighed, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, as his father often did when annoyed.

“Not much different from the Shallan I know, is she?”

“Probably not.” she said. “Though I am intrigued by the Shallan on your side. Actually getting married to Adolin? Don’t take this the wrong way, Adolin dear, but I wouldn’t think that I had it in me.”

“No offense taken.” Adolin said frankly.

“You seem so content in my time-line though.” Kaladin said.

“That’s what intrigues me. Contentedness isn’t something that comes to me naturally.” She responded.

“I’m talking to the other Renarin right now. He wants to know how you’re doing.” Renarin interjected.

Kaladin grimaced. How was he supposed to answer that?

“Tell him I’m fine.”

Renarin looked at him, skeptical.

“I’m telling you right now, that response would immediately make me concerned, so it would probably do the same thing for the other Renarin. Actually, wait. Maybe…”

Renarin drew in stormlight from what was probably spheres in his pocket, concentrating. Then, it flowed from him, swirling around to form an image of another Renarin in the center of the room. An image that moved, and turned to look directly at Kaladin.

“Impressive.” Shallan said.

“Kaladin!” the illusion of Renarin said. “Are you holding up okay?”

“Wait, is that..?” Kaladin pointed at the illusion.

“An illusion of the other Renarin, yep.” Shallan said. “And I’m assuming he can see all of us in return?”

“That is correct.” the other- _his_ Renarin said. Kaladin had a feeling this was going to get confusing.

“I’m doing fine.” Kaladin said.

Adolin looked at him skeptically and the other Renarin didn’t look convinced either.

“He had a breakdown this morning. And last night. I’ve been doing the best I can to help him through it, but he’s still pretty deep in the mud right now.” Adolin said.

Kaladin glared at Adolin, his blush rising.

Renarin nodded, considering. 

“That’s to be expected, I guess. Storms, but I’m glad you’re okay. One moment. I’ll be back.”

The illusory Renarin fuzzed, then faded.

“He says you should sit down on the left side of the room.” Renarin said, already pushing a chair over.

Kaladin, Adolin, and Shallan all grabbed a chair to move over.

“Why does he want us to do that?” Kaladin asked, frowning.

“He wants to have a meeting with everyone, where we can all see each other. Plan a little. Make sure everyone’s okay. He’s going to get the other you right now, and apparently Shallan, who left with him to get breakfast.”

Kaladin froze. He was going to have to face them so soon? He felt the urge to run.

“Oh no you don’t." Adolin said from beside him. “You are staying for this meeting.”

Kaladin resigned himself, sighing. He still didn’t like it. And what was this about Shallan getting breakfast with the other Kaladin? That had to have been awkward.

“What about the other me?” Adolin asked. “Is he there already?”

“Oh, yeah.” Renarin said. “He was in the room with Renarin. Syl was there too.”

Kaladin felt a spike of alarm. His Adolin heard that he had a breakdown?

“It’s okay, Kaladin.” Adolin said. Kaladin resisted the urge to flash him an annoyed look. He was trying to help. No use in getting snappy at him.

“I’m scared to find out what he did. I hope it wasn’t anything too embarrassing.” Kaladin said.

“From what I heard, he was talking to Shallan and Adolin, and ran away in a panic when the other Renarin found him. He eventually got him off the ceiling though, so he could explain what was going on.” Renarin shrugged.

Huh. not as bad as he thought, then. It _would_ be like him to run away when things didn’t feel right and someone spooked him.

Syl flitted into the room.

“Hello everyone! Any updates? Did you talk about me while I was gone?”

“We’re going to have a meeting with us from the other time-line.” Adolin filled in.

Syl frowned. “How?”

“He somehow mixes his illumination abilities with his future seeing ones, through his connection with the Renarin on the other side. I helped him with it a bit at first, but what he’s doing is genuinely very impressive.” Shallan said. Renarin blushed slightly at the compliment.

“It’s really not _that_ impressive… I’ve had trouble making illusions in the past, yet these ones seem to work comparatively well. Other Truthwatchers seem to be able to do it without trouble, but…” he cut off, his head perking up a little.

“They’re here. Everyone ready?” he asked.

“No.” Kaladin said bluntly.

Renarin rolled his eyes, then sucked in more stormlight, concentrating. Kaladin fidgeted nervously. The light wove around, seeming to solidify into the forms of chairs with people sitting in them.

And then, he was staring directly at himself.

“You.” the other Kaladin said, narrowing his eyes.

“You.” Kaladin said, narrowing his eyes in turn.

“So Kaladin.” his Shallan piped up cheerfully. He turned to look at her, still not having the courage to look at Adolin yet. “I hear you have a thing for Adolin’s hair.”

Warmth flooded his face, and he snapped his head to _glare_ at the other Kaladin, who had a shit-eating grin on his face.

“What did you tell her?” he said, voice low, dangerous.

“A few things.” the other Kaladin said casually.

“We bonded. Over being married to Adolin.” Shallan said, clearly amused by the situation.

“Almost married.” the other Kaladin said.

“It’s basically the same thing.” Shallan said.

“Fair point.” the other Kaladin agreed.

_Horror of horrors,_ he thought, feeling dread set in, _they_ **_bonded_ ** _over this?_

“How… How could something _wors_ e than what I thought would happen, have happened?” He almost whispered. Something that had to have been morbid curiosity made him slowly turn his head to where his Adolin was sitting.

And, as he had expected, as he had _dreaded_ , Adolin was looking directly at him. He sat there awkwardly, blush high on his face and seeming to search Kaladin’s very soul with the way he looked at him. The face that he now had thought of kissing before. Oh god.

“So…” his Renarin said at blessed last. Kaladin broke away from Adolin’s gaze to look at Renarin, though he thought he felt Adolin’s linger. It _burned_ into him, and yet whatever had given him the strength to look the first time was fleeting.

“Our current best plan for getting you two back to where you belong…” He continued, then paused again. Kaladin risked a glance at the other Kaladin, who looked between him and Adolin with curiosity. The other Kaladin at some point looked at his own Adolin, and they seemed to have an entire conversation with their eyes alone, before Adolin's gaze turned to his Adolin. The Adolins were now staring at each other. His Adolin looked at his counterpart in silent question and confusion, and then the other Adolin solemnly and knowingly nodded. Adolin’s eyes widened, and he turned to look at his Shallan. Shallan seemed to consider, then nodded, shrugging, amenable.

_What… What on Roshar was_ ** _that_** _supposed to mean?!_ Kaladin looked back at Adolin, who looked something akin to shocked, his mouth slightly ajar, eyebrows pushed upwards. Then, he turned once again to Kaladin. He seemed to be asking him something, though Kaladin was far too shaken to comprehend _what_ he was asking.

“Adolin, I have no _storming_ clue what’s going on right now.” Kaladin finally said, voice shaking slightly.

“I-” Adolin’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “We can talk about it later. When you get back.”

“ _What?_ ” Kaladin asked, not thinking clearly. He didn’t know if he asked it out of genuine confusion, or the shock of the implications. What _were_ the implications exactly?

“Good luck pinning him down for a talk like that in the first place,” the other Kaladin said with a laugh in his voice, “Adolin, here’s a tip. Get Syl on your side. Once she is convinced that something is good for Kaladin she becomes _relentless_.”

Kaladin’s eye twitched as he stared at the other Kaladin. He had never felt so betrayed by his own self. The other Kaladin turned to him and regarded him with a flat expression.

“You need someone to tell you this, so I’m telling you.” the other Kaladin said. “You can’t run from your feelings forever. You need to face them head on, decide what they mean for your life, and move forward. If you are like me in this regard, which you need to figure out for yourself, then you are physically and emotionally attracted to Adolin. If that turns out to be the case for you, you need to decide what you want to do about it. And, you need to _communicate_ with others about it, if it affects them.” he emphasized the word communicate, enunciating each syllable. “Which no matter _what_ in this situation, it does. It affects Adolin , and Shallan by extension. So you’d better not hole up in your barracks and in your training and avoid them after this is over. Sort it out. Get over yourself. You don’t _just_ owe it to yourself, you owe it to them.” He took a deep breath.

“Al- _mighty_.” The other Kaladin said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Kaladin’s mouth hung open. Never in his _life_ had he been scolded like that! What he had said made a disturbing amount of sense. And to hear it in his own voice, coming from another version of himself… It added its own credibility to it. This wasn’t some random person who thought he knew what was good for Kaladin, this was Kaladin from a different cosmere who _did_ know what was good for him. He felt thoroughly taken down from any moral standing that he might have had, the only options being to submit to humility, or continue in an arrogant lie that he _knew_ was false. He thought he saw some rings of blue smoke in the corner of his eye, but he didn’t know if it was from him or someone else. _Storms!_

Everyone was silent for a very awkward moment. Both Shallans were in an amused sort of awe, his Shallan having more emphasis on the awe, the other having more emphasis on the amused. His Adolin looked surprised at the other Kaladin, while the other Adolin looked at the other Kaladin adoringly, like he had hung the storming stars themselves. His Renarin sat with his mouth closed and wide eyes looking at the other Kaladin, and the other Renarin looked like he didn’t know what to do, but otherwise unaffected.

Kaladin consciously shut his mouth, though he was still unnerved. The other Kaladin was looking at him again with a flat stare, one eyebrow raised. _So, are you going to do what I said or not?_ , he seemed to say. Kaladin narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, then nodded shallowly. He didn’t like it, but the other Kaladin was right. It would be selfish to not work things out. Didn’t make it easy, but it made it right. The other Kaladin nodded in approval in return.

“I am taking so many storming memories...” his Shallan said quietly. He flashed her an annoyed look. _Great_. She didn’t even have the decency to look remorseful about it.

A beat of silence passed.

“Um…” Renarin said. “Any other declarations anyone wants to make before we start?”

“Sorry Renarin, go ahead.” Adolin said.

He hesitated, then started again. “The plan that we most think would work right now is using Honor’s perpendicularity to bring the time-lines close enough so they touch again, then having the Kaladins both walk through. Glys says it could feasibly work, as far as he can tell.”

“Time-lines?” the other Kaladin asked.

“Oh, right, you didn’t explain it that way. The other _cosmeres_.” Renarin clarified.

Shallan, the one from the time-line he was currently in, spoke up. “Our plan is to try and connect Renarin and Dalinar’s powers together, like Dalinar and I do when we make the illusory map. When Dalinar and I do it, he provides the shape of the land through his connection to the Stormfather, and I provide the illusion itself. Hopefully, both Renarins will provide their connection to the other cosmere, and both Dalinars will provide the actual… Pathway, so to speak.”

Adolin nodded, thoughtfully. “One provides the map, the other provides the horse and the road itself. Sounds like it could work.”

“It _sounds_ like it could work, sure.” his Renarin said. “But we haven’t actually tested any of it. The Dalinar over there knows about the situation, I was told, but we haven’t had the opportunity over here to tell him. I don’t want to risk accidentally sending one or both of the Kaladins into a pocket-timeline and them getting stuck there, or sending them back, but into the cognitive realm, or anything else. We want to do some testing.”

Dalinar. The others. An entire cornucopia of embarrassment that Kaladin had not yet begun to consider in its entirety. Storms, how was Dalinar going to react to the news? Jasnah probably wouldn’t care, but Navani would probably have something to say about it. That probably would have made Kaladin’s face heat up if it wasn’t, and already had been since the moment this cursed meeting had begun, completely on fire.

“Failing that, which we’re pretty sure it should work, so we shouldn’t have to resort to fallback solutions, there’s not much else that we think could work effectively.” Renarin said. “Focused meditation, the recreation of the circumstances that happened directly before the switch. The latter might prove… Difficult, considering what our Adolin and Kaladin were… Well.” Renarin looked away, embarrassed. Adolin and the other Kaladin both blushed slightly, and his Adolin was looking another direction, blush very pronounced. Kaladin didn’t know what they were alluding to, and that frustrated him slightly.[6] 

“How long do you think it will take?” Adolin asked.

“We… don’t really know?” Renarin said. “That’s the thing about science, you think you have a straightforward test on your hands then it can turn out to have many more factors than you originally thought. If everything goes as smoothly as possible, we could get them back by tonight. But I would guess that it will be closer to two or three days, as long as nothing is majorly wrong with the concept itself.”

The other Kaladin nodded. “So, plan for the next few days? Continue relatively as normal? I sleep in the barracks and train the men, the other Kaladin… are you still sleeping in me and Adolin’s room?”

Storms. He didn’t want Adolin to find out that he had been sleeping in a version of him’s bed. That would just be insult to emotional injury at this point. “Sleeping arrangements have been taken care of.” Kaladin said simply. The other Kaladin raised an unamused eyebrow, but didn’t comment on it.

“Okay then. The other Kaladin sleeps in his ‘sleeping arrangements’ and trains the men.[7]  I want to talk to him and find out what kind of training schedule he has the men here on. The Renarins and maybe Shallans work with Dalinars and probably Navanis to test some of the methods that we are hoping will work to get me and the other Kaladin switched back. The Adolins continue as normal. Does that sound about right?”

It sounded good to Kaladin, but Shallan spoke up.

“We might need the Kaladins for some of these experiments.” Shallan said, frowning. “Maybe ask Teft to lead, like you sometimes do, and play more of an observatory role? No need to stop you from being there completely, but it would be good if you could pull out easily if we need you.”

“Sounds doable for my side. Other Kaladin?” the other Kaladin said.

“Same here.” Kaladin said.

Renarin nodded. “Anything else that should be known? I think Kaladin covered most of it.”

“We’ll go inform Dalinar and Navani after this.” his Shallan said.

“And we will get our Dalinar and Navani in for some testing.” Shallan said.

A beat of silence passed.

“Is that it? Now me and the other Kaladin exchange training schedules, and then you guys get testing?” the other Kaladin said.

“Sounds good.” Shallan said, getting out of her chair. His Shallan rose as well, and soon everyone was standing. Adolin walked up close to the other Kaladin.

“See you in a little while, gemheart.” He said quietly, a soft smile on his face. He tried to touch the other Kaladin’s face, but of course his fingers fuzzed around the illusion. The other Kaladin smiled fondly at him. It was a strange sight that made Kaladin’s stomach knot a little.

Then Adolin walked out the door, motioning for Shallan to follow.

“I, uh…” His Adolin said. He looked very awkward, and Kaladin couldn’t help but feel the same way. There wasn’t exactly a clear way that either of them were supposed to respond to this situation. “I guess me and Shallan should leave to go get them too? Yeah. Ok. I’m just gonna…” he walked to the door, glancing back at Kaladin and holding his gaze for a second, before walking out.

His Shallan looked between the door and Kaladin, then walked up to him. “It’s going to be alright, Kaladin, I promise. I tease, but I am your friend and I want to help you get through all of this however I can. Don’t forget that. I’m here for you.”

Kaladin looked at her, surprised to find such genuine compassion from her. He felt seen and cared about, which he didn’t know how to deal with. “Thank you.” he said, taken aback.

  
She smiled at him, then left to trail after Adolin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6Girl...[return to text]
> 
> 7I love how he's an ass about it for no reason. Like he doesn't have to do that but it's his nature.[return to text]
> 
> World's most convoluted staring contest. The drama. This is probably my joint favorite chapter so far, along with the Kaladin and Shallan chapter from last update. The Kaladins being asses to each other for no reason and AU Kaladin slapping Kaladin down and bossing him around, and Kaladin finding out that AU Kaladin and Shallan bonded, and Kaladin and Adolin seeing each other for the first time since this started… This chapter was incredibly fun to write. The timeline perpendicularity was something I thought of way back when I first conceived of this fic, wondering how Renarin and Dalinar’s powers could possibly combine, and I’m so happy to see it finally get a spotlight here.


	13. Chapter 13

It had not been hard to play along in the part of himself. He had a lot of practice, after all. Even still, it felt wrong for him to pretend nothing was different, especially when Skar had asked after Adolin. He had told Teft to take charge for the day, that Kaladin might be needed in some meetings with the Kholins, which was true. Even so, Kaladin helped the Windrunners, correcting one here, giving another advice there. They were impressive. Not necessarily more impressive than his men back home, but it was clear that the other Kaladin didn’t slack on this.

He was pulled in a few times for experiments. In addition to Renarin and Shallan, Dalinar was there, as well as Navani. They seemed to consider the situation strange, but not Kaladin himself, thank The Almighty for that. He didn’t speak again personally with anyone from his own side, but they  _ were _ talking to each other between timelines. Renarin said things as if they were there, and Navani or Shallan or even Dalinar himself (with help from Navani) would write them down. They had him do strange things like hold an object to the side, then do the same thing but while thinking specifically about his cosmere. He didn’t understand what they were accomplishing through the tests, but he didn’t hardly understand much of  _ anything _ about what had happened. He simply trusted that they knew what they were doing.

At the end of the day, he had gotten halfway to the barracks before Syl asked where he was going. He had sighed and turned himself around, but it still stuck with him as being an incredibly strange experience. Everything had just felt more or less the same as back home, excluding the tests and whenever someone would ask after Adolin. He had arrived back at Adolin and the other Kaladin’s rooms to find Adolin waiting for him, looking at some sort of fashion magazine.

Apparently, he had been waiting for Kaladin to drag him off to dinner with the Kholin family.

He felt awkward as he sat down at the table, Renarin at his left and Adolin at his right, Dalinar sitting at one of the ends of the table and Jasnah at the other, Jasnah to his left and Dalinar to his right. Across from him sat Shallan and Navani.[8]  He didn’t feel awkward because he felt he didn’t belong, he felt awkward because he felt that he (or some version of him) very much  _ did _ belong, and he didn’t know what to do with that. 

Jasnah had watched him curiously, different from her usual discerning glare. She seemed to be completely unfazed by the situation, which seemed fitting for her. Dalinar, in contrast, seemed concerned not with Kaladin but about the situation itself. He said that he didn't like the idea that people could switch places at random with themselves from other timelines. Renarin assured him this kind of thing doesn’t happen just about ever, and that this time-line could probably go millions of years without expecting anything like this to happen again. Dalinar was mostly assuaged by the reassurance, but Kaladin could still sense some lingering apprehensiveness.

Navani, on the other hand, seemed positively tickled pink about the whole thing. She asked him eagerly about minor details from his time-line, which Kaladin gave to the best of his ability. Shallan, while not as eager as Navani, joined her in asking him questions, seemingly intrigued by his presence here. Renarin kept correcting them when they said something incorrect, and they ate it up, the scholars inside them seeking to understand this, excited by the prospect of new learning. Jasnah even joined in their speculating occasionally, though she seemed to be more in her own mind than at the table.

He should have felt uncomfortable, with all the attention on him. Instead, he gave them their answers, something in him happy that what he did in simply being there, existing as he was, gave them joy. They didn’t make fun of him or exclude him from the conversation, and they seemed to want his input as much as anyone else's. More, even.

By the time their meals were finished, he found himself reluctant to leave. He promised them that he would show up to breakfast tomorrow, and they said they looked forward to it. It was different from having dinner with the men, even though eating with the men had its own kind of familiar comfort. They didn’t look up to him, not in the same way his men did. They valued him, treated him as an equal. He found that refreshing. He didn’t need to be a role model, he needed only to be himself.

He walked back with Adolin, a smile trying to crawl its way onto his face. Not for the first time today, he wondered what it would be like to have this life. He couldn’t accept it as his own. It was not his own. It could never be his own, as he could not go back in time and change things, and he wouldn’t even if he could. But he  _ was _ here  _ now _ .

He walked into the room. Kaladin’s room. Kaladin and Adolin’s room. The comfort slowly faded away, nervousness taking its place. And yet, not as much as before. Or perhaps it was just a different kind. It was not the high panic of trying to desperately keep his mind under wraps, it was the low unrest of knowing things were about to change, one way or another.

He sat down on a chair in the sitting room, thinking. Figure it out, the other Kaladin had said. Face it. He couldn’t move forward until he did. He looked at the other Adolin, who had sat down across the room from him. The other Adolin looked back at him, curious. Strangely, Kaladin no longer felt so self-conscious about looking at or being looked at by this Adolin. Maybe it was because he knew that he wasn’t making him uncomfortable. It would probably take quite a lot, surely a lot more than Kaladin could give, to make this Adolin uncomfortable in terms of intimacy. 

So he looked, finding the fact that he was simply allowed to stare interesting. He looked at his eyes, and his hair, and his lips. He blushed, but he tried, with effort, to feel comfortable with it. He had an idea.

“Can I…” Kaladin got through, before his confidence failed. He shut his mouth and looked away. A single shamespren petal materialized and fell through the air, and Kaladin glared at it as if it had personally wronged him.

“It’s okay, Kaladin. What were you going to say?” Adolin asked. It was tender, but not in a way that made Kaladin feel like he was delicate or weak. It was understanding, and it was supportive.

“Can I…” He tried again. “Can I…”  _ Just say it! Get it out there! _ “... Kiss you?”

Storms. Had he actually just asked that? And yet, he knew that it was important. He needed to know how he felt, and this could tell him. He looked away, embarrassed that he might have crossed some unspoken line.

He glanced back up at Adolin, who was smiling at him with an expression that did  _ something _ to Kaladin’s chest. He wasn’t certain if that something was good or not.

“Come here.” Adolin said.

Kaladin did so, noticing that his heart was beating quickly. He sat down next to Adolin on the couch.

Adolin brought his hands up to Kaladin’s face, gently holding it, smiling. Kaladin looked back into his eyes, which were so close. He felt so vulnerable, but not a bit scared. He somehow knew that those eyes could never hurt him. Adolin leaned in and-

And suddenly Kaladin was being kissed. It was nothing more than Adolin simply resting his lips against Kaladin’s own, but it still  _ did _ something to Kaladin. He hadn’t experienced the sensation in years, not since Tarah. He’d still been almost a child then. This… This was different. It felt different not in the way his lips felt pressed up against another pair, but in what that feeling did to him.

And it  _ was  _ intimate. It was not the implications of the kiss that made it intimate, but the sense of connection to one another that it gave them. Kaladin thought he could feel love and affection behind the simple gesture from Adolin, and he was somehow sure that Adolin could feel the nervousness and curiosity of Kaladin in return. A kiss meant more than being comfortable with pressing your mouth against someone else's, it meant being comfortable with sharing your very being with them. It was  _ trust _ .

Adolin pulled away, their lips making a quiet smooch sound as they seperated, still holding Kaladin’s face. Kaladin looked at him in wonder, and Adolin seemed to not be able to contain his smile, which itself spoke of adoration. A feeling had taken ahold of Kaladin, replacing the emotions that he had been experiencing before the kiss. That feeling drove Kaladin to slowly wrap one of his hands around Adolin, onto his back, not breaking their gaze. The other found its place in Adolin’s hair.

And Kaladin leaned back in, interlocking their lips. At once he felt the connection again, and Adolin took one of his hands and moved it to Kaladin’s back. And then, their lips weren’t just resting against another, they were moving. Kaladin was inexperienced, and didn’t know how he should be moving his lips. He tried to do what arose naturally to him, opening his mouth slightly here, pressing a little more forcefully there. Adolin made up for Kaladin’s inexperience, clearly having done this many times before, and likely many times with Kaladin before. 

It satisfied a want that Kaladin hadn’t even known was there. An itch that he was suddenly scratching for the first time. It made joy rise in him of a sort he was sure was unfamiliar. He let his worries take a break and gave in to the experience as he pulled Adolin closer, feeling his hair and the muscle of his back in his hands. _ It… it was  _ **_good_ ** .

Kaladin felt something stir in his lower half.

He immediately panicked as he noticed it, pulling away. His mind cleared of… Whatever had been in there and brought itself back to reality. His face burned, and his lips were wet. He saw a crystalline snowflake dance in the air for a second before dissipating, which made him shrink back further. 

“Kaladin, are you all right?” Adolin asked.

“Yeah, I just…” he covered his face with his hands, overwhelmed. He had  _ liked _ that. It had felt  _ good _ . 

“It’s a lot. I understand.” Adolin said.

And he sounded like he did understand. Like this wasn’t the first time Kaladin had gotten overwhelmed in a situation like this.

“That’s… one question answered, I guess.” Kaladin mumbled. How was he supposed to move on, now that he knew? 

Storms, he had  _ kissed Adolin Kholin _ .  _ Really _ kissed him. They had drawn a storming  _ passionspren _ . That was more surreal to him in the moment than everything else about this situation put together. He sat back on the couch.

Adolin wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. They sat like that for a while. Kaladin found he was comfortable, and tilted his head so it was resting on Adolin’s. Kaladin thought.

Communicate, the other Kaladin had said. Had emphasized, even. Tell them both, since it affects them both. Kaladin held back a groan. How was he supposed to tell them? ‘Hello, Adolin and Shallan, I know you are married to each other, but I kissed an Adolin from another time-line and liked it and just thought you should know?’ He sighed. It wasn’t like that, he knew. They deserved closure on this.  _ He _ deserved closure on this.

Kaladin sighed.

“Where am I supposed to go from here?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.

“I don’t know.” Adolin said. “Tell them, then see what they want to do about it.”

Kaladin closed his eyes. “Things will go back to normal. They’re married. They’re happy. I wouldn’t have their marriage go wrong because of me, even if by some unlikely chance he decided that he would want to be at all involved with me. Which I have serious doubts about anyway.”

“Oh, Kaladin.” Adolin said softly, almost as if to himself, sounding like he understood something Kaladin didn’t. Maybe he did. Whatever it was couldn’t change things.

He tilted his head so his face was buried in Adolin’s hair, once again simply relishing the fact that he was allowed to do something like that.

They sat like that for a while, Kaladin thinking, and Adolin holding him.

Syl zipped into the room at some point, though she didn’t acknowledge Kaladin and Adolin sitting the way they were. Why would she? This was normal for her. She had asked a strange question about potted plants, then zipped away again once she had her answer. Maybe she had found a florists shop or something of the like, and was curious as to how it worked. Kaladin wondered how Syl fit into their dynamic here. She had been around less often than his own Syl, getting into more antics and adventures of her own. He idly wondered which way she was happier. Was he holding her back in his own timeline by her spending the majority of the day with him, or did the Kaladin and Adolin here request more time alone, and Syl simply found other things to do?

Adolin yawned. Kaladin started slightly. How long had they been sitting there?

“I should let you get to sleep.” Kaladin said, getting up. Adolin caught his wrist as he did, and when Kaladin turned back, he was looking at him.

“We don’t have to separate, if you don’t want to.” 

Kaladin looked at him for a moment, confused. Then it clicked. He was saying they could sleep in the same bed. Kaladin’s face heat up to consider it.

“We don’t have to.” Adolin said. “I understand this is all new for you and you might not want to. I completely understand if you don’t. But, I always sleep better in your arms.”

Kaladin stared back at him, the admission making him blush further. He considered, his stomach and chest going crazy. 

“Ok.” Kaladin said, voice higher pitched than usual. Adolin quirked an eyebrow at him.

“That didn’t sound very enthusiastic. I don’t want you saying yes out of a misguided sense of obligation or anything else other than you actually wanting me to be there with you.”

“I do.” Kaladin promised. “I’m just… as you said, new at this.”

Adolin searched his face, then seemed to decide that Kaladin was being genuine. Adolin smiled at him, then started walking to their room. Kaladin followed.

They walked back into the bedroom, and Kaladin was once again struck by how it was not either of theirs, it was both of theirs together. That feeling was accentuated by them walking in together. It seemed poetic, in a way, even though it likely happened most nights for them. It might have been common and ordinary to them, but to Kaladin it illustrated an idea that he couldn’t quite describe with words. They lived together. They were in each other’s lives, and they influenced each other. When he thought of it with words, it seemed a mundane and obvious set of facts, but for some reason that concept moved him in a way he couldn’t explain.

“I noticed… The gold trimmed Bridge Four uniform.”

Adolin turned to him and laughed.

“It was incredibly disturbing to me! I was very scared for a second that they were all that way.”

Adolin laughed harder. 

“Oh… oh man…” Adolin said, still laughing. “Oh, he  _ hated _ that I did that to one of his uniforms. I only barely convinced him to keep it, and he said that he would never wear it in public out of spite.” 

“‘In public’? Does he wear it not in public?” Kaladin asked, concerned.

Adolin stopped laughing. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, looking at Kaladin.

“You don’t need to worry about it.” he finally said.

Kaladin furrowed his brow. 

“Why not? Why aren’t you telling me?”

Adolin looked at him, considering.

“Let’s just say, this is the only room I’ve gotten him to wear it in.”

Kaladin frowned. Did he just try it on so Adolin could see how it looked? But then why was he acting so strange about it?[9]  It probably didn’t matter anyway, so Kaladin let it drop.

Kaladin got into his side of the bed, which prompted Adolin to climb in too.

Then, though he knew this was going to happen, he felt absolutely bizarre when Adolin curled up in his arms.

Adolin sighed contently, and Kaladin melted a little inside. Kaladin wrapped his arms tight around him, and enjoyed the weight and warmth in his arms.

They stayed like that for a while. The sensation of holding someone as they fell asleep was not something that Kaladin thought he would get to experience any time soon. With another man, no less. But Adolin was heavy, and he was warm, and both of those things were strangely pleasant.

Kaladin felt his eyes start to droop, very comfortable in the plush bed and the warmth in his arms.

Kaladin was starting to drift off, when-

*snore*

It was so unexpected that Kaladin almost jumped. Everything had been so picturesque, but then-

*snore*

Kaladin nearly laughed out loud. Adolin was a _ snorer _ . It wasn’t loud, but-

*snore*

Kaladin nearly laughed again. Then he pulled him closer and smiled into his hair. 

*snore*

He could sleep with this. After all, he had slept in much, much worse conditions many times in his life. This would be a walk in the park compared to Bridge Four.

*snore*

Kaladin drifted off again, until sleep took him once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8I considered putting Hoid in here but the man is nosy as hell and would want to figure out all this timeline stuff for himself, leading this to be Hoid antics with a side of Kadolin rather than Kadolin with a side of Hoid antics. Hoid antics are fun, but I can't have him getting in the way here[return to text]
> 
>   
> 9  
>  _Girl..._  
>  [return to text]
> 
> Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! Consider this double update a Christmas gift. I will also have a special update tomorrow. My boy is in love!! He has his first kiss with Adolin, and comes to the astounding, outrageous, completely unexpected conclusion that he likes kissing someone who he gets married to in another timeline. Seriously, completely out of left field, no one could have expected it. He really deserves some fluff after everything he’s been through.


	14. Interlude

Shallan had stepped out a moment after Adolin. He looked at his wife, who had taken this whole situation in stride. She had laughed with, talked to, and bonded with the other Kaladin. The one who was engaged to Adolin. Storms, this whole situation was  _ crazy _ . Crazy! It was stirring things in Adolin that would have never seen the light of day were it not for this. And here was his wife, completely unconcerned by its implications.

“Shallan. We need to talk.” Adolin said.

“Here in the hallway?” She said idly.

“Shallan!” he said, upset. She stopped, and turned to face him.

“Shallan, how can you be so casual about this?” He felt like part of his world, which he had presumed to be stable, was in danger of being upended. And she acted like it was some funny little joke. Not even like it was a funny little joke, she acted like…

_ She recovered so quickly after learning that the other Kaladin was engaged to me. She gave me permission to kiss him unprompted. She  _ **_nodded_ ** _ when I looked at her during that meeting. _

Her whole demeanor changed upon realizing that Adolin was upset, and she walked over to hug him.

“I’m sorry Adolin. I didn’t mean to come off as not caring. I  _ do _ care. I just…” she sighed, and pulled back so she could look him in the eyes. “I’m not… good at expressing how I’m actually feeling. I’ve had to take things in so fast my whole life. This  _ is _ big to me. I’m just not handling it in the same way everyone else is. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner that you were upset by it.”

Adolin sighed. She wasn’t doing it on purpose.

“It’s okay. It’s just a lot for me to take in, and it feels like you are already at terms with it somehow. And I don’t even know  _ what _ terms you’re at, for that matter. You…” He paused, realizing they were in a hallway where they could potentially be overheard. He tried to rephrase it in his mind. “You seem, for lack of a better term, encouraging. And I don’t know what to make of it.” 

He had barely begun to think about the fact that he and Kaladin were apparently compatible enough to get storming  _ married _ in another cosmere. The thought made him blush. The memory of himself tenderly trying to brush Kaladin’s face still lingered in the front of his mind.  _ See you in a little while, gemheart _ .

“I…” She looked around. “Adolin, this conversation is very important, but can we have it after we get your father and Navani? We need to get them experimenting as soon as we can, and as much as I want to clear things up as soon as possible, I don’t want that hanging over our heads as we talk. And hallways where people can eavesdrop are not the best place.”

He wanted to have this conversation now, but she was right. This wasn’t quite the time or place. Adolin sighed again.

“Okay… But can we talk right after we explain what’s going on?” 

She smiled at him. “Of course.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Adolin trying to process things. It was a difficult task, and one that involved his face being incredibly warm. He really didn’t get that far, his efforts mostly consisted of trying to climb up the pile of sand that was comprehending what having a relationship with Kaladin in another cosmere meant. Two steps forward, one step back. And… And now he had to explain this to his father? To Navani? Maybe to Jasnah? He hardly understood what was going on himself.

And so it was that when they found Dalinar taking a break outside of a meeting, Adolin found himself completely tongue-tied. Dalinar had been concerned when he saw Adolin in the state that he was in, and Shallan had quietly explained that there was a situation, that he should meet with Renarin, that they were sending Navani, and that no one was in immediate danger. That had made him  _ more _ concerned if anything, but he nodded that he understood.

They had left quickly after that, making their way to Urithiru’s basement, where Navani would be. Shallan had explained then too, thank the heavens for her. Adolin wasn’t really in a state where he could explain much of anything. Adolin stood to the side, inspecting some sort of lamp-shaped contraption that he could not figure out the purpose of while Shallan sent a letter via spanreed to Jasnah. Jasnah was not needed for the testing, but Shallan would inform her about the situation.

Adolin felt pent up. There was so much in his mind, and they were difficult things to think about. Difficult questions. How did Shallan feel about this? How was this going to affect his friendship with Kaladin? What did this mean for his marriage? Had Kaladin been in love with him this whole time? Had  _ he _ been in love with  _ Kaladin _ this whole time? 

It was a relief when, finally, Shallan finished writing and started walking back with Adolin to their rooms.

When Adolin closed the door to their rooms behind him, he barely waited a beat before he started talking.

“Are you upset by this, Shallan? By Kaladin being in a relationship with me in another cosmere?” he blurted. He needed to know. He didn’t want to drive Shallan away. He loved Shallan. He couldn’t bear the thought of this driving a wedge between them.

“No, are you?” Shallan replied, looking him directly in the eye.

No? Just like that? A flat answer? It seemed far too simple. He fumbled between wanting to ask her why not, and answering the question himself. 

“I… don’t think so. I’m upset by the situation, but not that aspect of it, I think. I never made those decisions, even if some version of me did. And it’s not as if it’s immoral or anything, it’s just completely unexpected to me. But what do you mean ‘no’? Why not?”

“Why would I be?” she asked, genuinely confused.

“Because…” Adolin frowned. This wasn't the type of thing he thought he would have had to explain, and he found himself briefly lost for words. “Because it’s another person? Potentially interested in your husband? A lot of people would get defensive over that sort of thing.”

“Well I’m not. Adolin, I already share you with 2 other people.” she paused. “Veil wants me to take that back. I already share you with one other person. I’m not really the jealous type.”

Adolin thought about that. She seemed genuine. Maybe it was that she just really wasn’t the jealous type. But…

“It feels like this goes somehow beyond just not being jealous. You…” he blushed. “You gave me permission to kiss him. Why did you do that?”

She paused, thinking. She just sat there for a few moments, and Adolin almost spoke again when she finally said something.

“Adolin, please don’t be alarmed when I say this.”

He looked at her, concerned.

“I’m not really bothered by the idea of Kaladin being involved in our relationship. The opposite, in fact?”

Adolin’s eyebrows shot up.

“Wait,  _ what _ ?” he said, baffled, still trying to comprehend what she said.

“I’m aware that Alethi don’t often have 3 person relationships.” she said quickly. “Storms, I didn’t even realize they were a  _ possibility _ until I started doing research on Iri a little while after I met Jasnah. But, try to remove biases from your mind and think about it for a second.  _ I _ certainly wouldn’t mind having him around, and if  _ you _ wanted him around too, and  _ he _ wanted to be around us, it would benefit everyone involved.”

He sat there for a second in awe. He had never even considered that. A 3 person relationship? Could such a thing work? Was that even something he would want, even if Kaladin agreed to it?

“I understand if you don’t mesh with the idea. It is yours and Kaladin’s choice at this point, since I’ve already decided for myself that I would be in favor of it.” Shallan said. “I always want to be in your life. I love you. I will always be by your side. But I don’t have to be the only one who feels those things for you.”

He looked at her, surprised by the things coming out of her mouth.

“You’re… you’re being serious, aren’t you?” she really  _ wouldn’t _ mind it. She seemed to imply the opposite, in fact. That she would  _ enjoy _ Kaladin being involved in their relationship. 

She nodded at him.

“Storms…” Adolin said.

“Adolin, do you  _ know _ if you’re attracted to Kaladin or not?” Shallan asked.

He shook his head. He had  _ looked _ at his other self in that meeting with the same question, and his other self had nodded. That certainly gave weight to the notion that he was, but he couldn’t know for sure based on that alone. She nodded as if she expected this answer.

“I thought as much. We need to help you figure it out.” she decided.

He quirked an eyebrow at her.

“And how exactly are you planning on doing that? And what do you mean, ‘we’?”

She smiled at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Officially adding the Shakadolin tag to this fic! In this chapter I keep in my heart the Sanderson tweet that said he could see a world where Adolin and Shallan go for a poly trio, but that you would have a hard time convincing Kaladin. Well, I am currently working on convincing Kaladin. Is seeing a world where he’s married to one of them convincing enough? Anyway. Everything should be back onto a regular update schedule from tomorrow on. Thank you for all the wonderful comments, they keep me motivated to write and they always make me smile!


	15. Chapter 14

Kaladin wiped the sweat off his forehead, having just done some complicated maneuvers as an example for the Windrunners. The other Kaladin certainly didn’t slack in this area. Not that he would have expected anything less. But the men here were  _ good _ , and maybe it shouldn’t have, but it made him swell with pride. It felt wrong, in a way, to pretend nothing was amiss. But it was not hard to pretend to be himself. Syl flitted around him as he dove back down, laughing. 

He thought he saw something in the corner of his eye. He turned and steadied himself in the air, and saw Adolin and Shallan walking towards him, Shallan waving to get his attention. Even still, it took him a moment to fully remember that this was not his betrothed. Adolin’s face was all red, and he looked to have been dragged here by Shallan. He smiled fondly at that.

Kaladin landed in a puff of Stormlight a little ways away from them, then jogged the rest of the way towards them, Syl following. Getting closer, he could see Adolin had that face that he wore when he needed to ask for something that he didn’t want to ask for help for. Shallan, however, looked positively smug. 

“Hello, Kaladin!” Shallan said sweetly. Incredibly sweetly. She really was smug about something.

“Hey. Do you need me for experiments, like my Shallan said you might?” Kaladin asked. Syl landed on his shoulder, watching curiously.

“So to speak. We’ve been discussing, you see... We were actually hoping to recruit you for a different kind of experiment.” she said.

He looked at her, skeptical. Then he looked at Adolin, who met his gaze, but with an intense blush. Was he still embarrassed about finding out about the engagement, or was this about the ‘experiment’ that Shallan was alluding to? He could tell by Adolin’s facial expression that he was about to ask for something. That combined with the fact they said they were ‘discussing’, and Shallan’s smugness... A couple of pieces fit together.

“You wanted to take me up on Shallan’s earlier offer.” He guessed. He hoped he wasn’t wrong, as that would be an awkward thing to assume and be wrong about, but he was fairly certain in his ability to read his betrothed, even if this one wasn’t  _ his  _ betrothed.

Adolin looked surprised, then grimaced. “Am I that easy to read?” 

“If you’re willing to.” Shallan said. “I know I asked earlier, and you obliquely said you would be fine with it, but you don’t have to. We’re just trying to figure out a couple things, and it could help.”

He considered. He hadn’t seen Adolin blush like this in a long long time. It was, frankly, adorable.[10] 

“Yeah, I will.” he said. He loved Adolin. Of course he would help out his other self from a different cosmere by kissing him silly. His Adolin would probably act like it was some personal and deeply selfless favor once he got back.

Though he seemed to be expecting it, Adolin’s eyes widened slightly even still. Kaladin mostly held back a smile. Adorable. 

“I’m… assuming you don’t want to do it here.” Kaladin said.

“There’s an empty room a little walk from here.” Shallan said. “I can post Pattern to watch for anyone.”

“I’ll go tell Teft I’m leaving for a bit. I told him to expect me dipping in and out today, so he’ll be expecting it.”

“We’ll be waiting over by the entrance.” Shallan said. Kaladin nodded, then sucked in some Stormlight and lashed himself upwards.

“What did she mean, a different kind of experiment?” Syl asked.

“She meant…” He started, trying to figure out how to explain it to her. “They want me to kiss Adolin, so he can figure out if that’s something he’d like to do with the other Kaladin when he gets back.”

“Why  _ do  _ humans kiss each other? I can’t imagine that you taste very good.” 

“It’s not about taste. It’s about feeling. Both tactile and mental. The tactile sensation can make you feel a certain way if you do it with the right person. It’s a good feeling. Adolin is trying to figure out if that good feeling happens when he kisses me.” He explained.

“Hmmm… That makes sense, I guess. Humans are so complicated. And thanks for telling me. Kaladin always clams up when I ask him those sorts of questions. I don’t understand why. What you just said makes sense, why wouldn’t he be able to say it?”

“I’m starting to get that sense about your Kaladin. Being with Adolin changed me. It forced me to face my own emotions, and actually deal with them instead of ignoring them. I think that nothing ever made your Kaladin do that, so he just never did.”

Syl left it at that, humming in his mind in consideration.

He told Teft that he had to leave for a short time, and that he would be back soon. Teft had nodded in acknowledgement, then went back to barking orders at the squires. After that, he fell down to where Adolin and Shallan were waiting.

They started walking. 

Adolin kept trying to steal glances at Kaladin when he thought Kaladin wasn’t looking, but Kaladin could tell. He turned his head to look directly at Adolin when he was trying again to discreetly look at him. Adolin’s eyes widened, then he looked away, embarrassed at having been caught. Kaladin chuckled softly, a smile making its way across his face. Shallan looked towards them, a smile of her own forming. She really  _ was _ taking this better than he would have expected. It was odd, in Kaladin’s opinion. Maybe it was that she just wasn’t inclined to jealousy, or maybe she was just secure in the fact that Adolin would always choose her over the other Kaladin. In any case, she surprisingly didn’t seem to mind the fact that he was flirting with Adolin.

“This is it.” Shallan said, opening the door. There were a couple chairs and a table in there, but not much else. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a while, if the dust was anything to go by.

“So.” Kaladin said once the door shut behind all of them. “You said you were trying to figure some things out?”

“He doesn’t know if he’s attracted to Kaladin or not.” Shallan said.

Well, Kaladin certainly knew how to ‘tell’ him. Adolin looked at him with that same expression as he had before, in the meeting. Like he knew logically what was going on, but still hadn’t quite started to believe it. But, he had to make sure that Adolin knew what he was doing, and make sure he was okay with it.

“Adolin, you already know that I’m willing to kiss you. But there are other ways of figuring that out without kissing me, if you’re not sure about it. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Kaladin said.

“I understand. This is something I want to do.” Adolin said. He still looked nervous, but he knew what he was doing, and why. That was important.

Kaladin turned to Shallan next.

“You said you would be fine with it earlier. Is that still the case?” Kaladin asked.

“It is.” Shallan said.

Kaladin walked up to Adolin, grabbed the front of his shirt, then pulled Adolin towards him, dipping down to capture his mouth. Adolin made a little surprised sound when their mouths collided, which almost made Kaladin smile. He only gave Adolin a moment to take it in before he started kissing Adolin in earnest, his other hand finding Adolin’s lower back.

It took a moment for Adolin to reciprocate, his hands tentatively resting on Kaladin’s waist and upper back. And it was different to his Adolin, ever so slightly. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was, but there was definitely something different about how he kissed. It was similar enough, however, for Kaladin to easily adapt, Kaladin already knowing his half of the dance. The height difference between them was familiar to Kaladin, but Adolin had to adjust a few times to find that comfortable spot. It had probably been a long time since this one had kissed anyone taller than him. Adolin did seem nervous, but each moment he grew more confident, even daring to brush Kaladin’s lower lip with his tongue. Kaladin made a low sound in his throat and pulled Adolin closer in response.

They kept at it for a moment more before Kaladin finally pulled away. Adolin chased his lips while they pulled apart, but eventually figured out that they were stopping. Adolin slowly opened his eyes, dazed, cheeks incredibly pink. He stared at Kaladin in internalized bewilderment, then started nodding.

“Yep.” he said, still slightly breathless. He turned to Shallan, still nodding. “Yeah. He was right.” he stopped nodding and started to stare off into space.

Kaladin looked at Shallan, who had wide eyes and a blush of her own. A thought occurred to him.

“Did you take memories of that?” Kaladin asked.

“No.” Shallan lied. He looked at her, unimpressed.

“Maybe a couple.” Shallan admitted.

Adolin turned to face her, slightly alarmed, before seeming to realize something, some of the shock falling off his face.

“Just… keep them somewhere where they won’t be found?” Adolin said.

“Of course.” Shallan said. She walked over and started to rub his shoulder.

“Storms…” Adolin said, Shallan rubbing his back. Kaladin joined Shallan in rubbing Adolin’s back on the other side, almost by instinct. Adolin continued to stare into space. Syl watched curiously. That was probably the first time she had ever seen Kaladin kiss anybody. The first time any of them had seen Kaladin kiss anybody, unless the other Kaladin had courted someone he wasn’t aware of.

“We don’t mean to keep you here, Kaladin.” Shallan said. “We’re probably going to stay here for a little while. Maybe talk some more.”

Kaladin nodded at her, but made no effort to move. He looked at Adolin, who seemed to be processing this, still. A lot had happened for him today. Kaladin and his Adolin had started to realize their feelings for each other for months before they actually had told one another, and had taken it slowly once they started courting, each scared that they would scare the other off somehow. They had eventually reached the comfortable balance they were now, both having confidence in their love for one another. They had taken a couple years to get there, and Adolin was having to take it all in within the span of one morning. 

Kaladin wondered how the other Kaladin was holding up. Adolin had always been more in tune with his emotions than Kaladin. It was an upward climb, but an important one that he consistently took for the sake of Adolin, and increasingly for the sake of his own self. But the other Kaladin didn’t have Adolin to motivate him, at least not in the same way. He would likely be behind where Kaladin was. But at least he was in good hands at the moment. “Sleeping arrangements”. He was sleeping in his and Adolin’s bed, maybe with Adolin next to him. He wouldn’t have wanted to get an inn, and Adolin would have refused to let him sleep on the couch. That meant he was in their bed. And  _ that  _ meant the other Kaladin was in their house, Adolin with him, probably taking care of him. Kaladin would have to spoil Adolin when he got back in thanks of that. 

Finally, he removed his hand from Adolin’s back. They had things to discuss, and he didn’t want to overstay. This was certainly going to be interesting to talk to his Adolin about once he got back. He didn’t say anything as he walked over to the door. But he did turn to look back at them as he was about to leave.

“Hey Adolin? Whatever happens, it will be okay. Do what makes you happy.” Kaladin said. Adolin looked at him with a searching expression, then his eyes softened slightly.

“Thank you.” Adolin said. “I mean it. Thank you.”

Kaladin smiled at Adolin. “Of course.”

Then he left to continue training the Windrunners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10On my first draft of this it originally said _Ado_ -rable. Unfortunately I couldn’t leave the pun in since it’s not quite in character, but I was extremely tempted. Also, the return link for this footnote is broken for some reason. Sorry. I'm trying to fix it.[return to text]


	16. Chapter 15

It was not more than an hour after Shallan and Adolin had come to fetch him that he was once again summoned, this time by Renarin. 

He had drawn stares from Dalinar and Navani. They both had looked at him like he had sprouted wings and started singing a song while running in circles. As if they had thought they had known him, and suddenly they were being shown some other bizarre, completely unexpected part of his identity. Well, that  _ was _ about what had happened, Kaladin supposed. He had briefly considered saying something silly and completely out of character for him, just to freak them out. He decided against it for the sake of his other self and the pieces he would inevitably have to pick up.

_ Yes, I am the Kaladin from another cosmere that Renarin told you about. Yes, I am engaged to Adolin in my own cosmere. Yes, I know this is coming as a complete surprise to you since your Kaladin has the introspective and communication abilities of a melancholic chull _ , he had said.

Dalinar had seemed troubled. Navani was apprehensive, but also teeming with curiosity.

It was so strange. These people were his family, and yet they distanced themselves in a way that was noticeably, yet mostly indescribably off. Kaladin didn’t know how to feel about that. He  _ knew _ them, was comfortable with them in a way that they didn’t seem to feel in return. Even Navani’s curiosity had seemed to be about the situation itself and less for Kaladin. He had at one point nearly slipped and called Dalinar Father, but he had caught himself. Dalinar wouldn’t be a father to him in this cosmere, and calling him that would only muddy things further and create more problems for the other Kaladin.

They had sent him back after some strange testing. Having him think about things. Having him hold objects. Having him stand there doing nothing at all. They said it was important, though he couldn’t fathom why him being there doing those things would be helpful. He trusted in their knowledge that they knew what they were doing.

Habit, his faithful friend, had led him astray when he went home at the end of the day. He had been a good way towards his (Shallan and Adolin’s in this cosmere) rooms before Syl had questioned where he was going. Apart from the tests, everything seemed so familiar. He had sighed and turned to walk to the barrack kitchens to see what Rock was cooking for dinner.

The bridgemen and Windrunner squires had cheered for him when he entered, and he tried to give them smiles where he could. Rock’s cooking was delicious as always. He could be putting anything at all in this stew and Kaladin would praise it. Rock really had a magic touch when it came to spices.

He sat with several of the men from the original Bridge Four. Teft, Sigzil, Dunny, Hobber, Lopen and a few of his cousins. He laughed with them, feeling so comfortable with a bowl of stew in his hands, sitting with his men. He usually ate with the Kholins, eating with the men at the barracks on occasion. He should really make time to do this more often. He had a family through marriage (almost) now, but these men were his family too. They loved him, and he loved them. It was like coming to a home away from home. 

One of them commented on his chipper attitude, and he tried and failed to come up with a suitable lie after ‘I just feel good today’ didn’t cut it for them. They could tell something was up, apparently. He deflected, saying that he would tell them in a couple days, silently apologizing to the other Kaladin who would have to pay for him saying that. They found it intriguing, but didn’t question him further when he promised to tell them later. Syl had looked at him oddly when he said that, but didn’t say anything, thank goodness.

He stayed with them later than he usually did, not having to get back to anyone back home. They commented on it, and Kaladin was mildly disturbed at the implication that staying and chatting with the men after dinner was not a regular occurrence for the other Kaladin. What else did he do? Go to bed early? He asked Syl, and she said that he did. That the other Kaladin would always be tired, and never be able to get enough sleep. Kaladin suffered from occasional bouts of insomnia, but Syl made it sound like it was near constant. That couldn’t be good for the mind.

When he did go to bed, he felt vaguely nostalgic when he walked into his old room. He had spent many nights in here. It was strange to see everything reset to how it had been before. Like walking into a memory. It really hadn’t been that long since he had moved in with Adolin, but it felt like it had been. It felt at once strange and completely normal when he got into the bed again.

And dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smoochy smoochy. Get it, Adolin. This Kaladin has long submitted to the horrifying experience that is having feelings so he’s dealing a lot better in general with said feelings. Things are going to start winding down from here, I’ve got about 4 more updates until it is completed. I’m sorry about the broken footnote, I used the same code as literally every other footnote but it does weird things to the formatting this time for some reason. Thank you for reading and commenting and the kudos! I am very grateful that something I’ve written is being enjoyed :)


	17. Chapter 16

Vevesah, 1174

When Kaladin woke up and found himself in the barracks, he had a brief moment of disorientation before he remembered what was going on.

Right. Different cosmere. Switched places with the not-engaged-to-Adolin Kaladin. Even knowing that, it took a moment for it to sink in.

He realized then, how incredibly, extremely, profoundly  _ weird _ this was. It hit him like it hadn’t earlier.

What on  _ Roshar _ had happened?

Would he ever get to find out?

He shook his head and got up to get ready for the day.  _ Maybe I should ask for a more detailed explanation from Renarin and the others who actually understand what’s going on _ , he thought. But then, did it matter? All he wanted was to get back to his betrothed and his own world.

As he went out to have breakfast with the men, they remarked again on his strange attitude. He didn’t know what to tell them. So, once again, he delayed the explanation for a few days. Either they were very perceptive, or the way that he acted on a daily basis (even with the strangeness of the situation) was considerably different from that of the other Kaladin. It was slightly worrying to consider.

He only got halfway through his bowl of plain steamed tallew before Shallan excitedly burst in. she hurried up to him, drawing the attention of the other bridgemen and squires. He once again silently apologized to the other Kaladin, who was going to have to come up with an explanation for this.

“We’ve almost got it, Kaladin! We just need you for a couple more tests, then we think it’ll work!” She said, enthusiastic, completely unaware or uncaring of the staring men. Kaladin stood up, then shot them all a look that said  _ later _ , which was met with looks that ranged from amused to confused. He walked out silently with Shallan.

“They noticed I was acting off.” Kaladin said once they were out. “I promised them that I would explain in a few days. Apologize to Kaladin for me for that when he gets back.”

Shallan snickered. “I will, don’t worry. Sorry for bursting in like that. I should have guessed that you were trying to keep a low profile, and that probably didn’t help much.”

“I don’t mind, it’s the other Kaladin who’ll mind. You said that you guys were close?”

Shallan nodded. “They figured out how to summon the timeline perpendicularity. We just need to do a couple tests to make sure it’s safe for you two to go though.”

“The timeline perpendicularity? You mean the thing Renarin was talking about with combining his and Fath- Dalinar’s powers?” He nearly slipped and called Dalinar Father again. Shallan noticed and gave him a knowing look, but didn’t acknowledge it.

“Yeah. They’ve sent some objects through, and those have worked fine as far as we can tell. We were going to get some cremlings to send next, then check and make sure your presence doesn’t make anything go wrong.”

Kaladin didn’t understand why that was necessary. If the objects went through fine, why shouldn’t a person? But he was no expert on any of this.

“Have you guys figured out  _ why _ this happened? As in, what caused it to happen in the first place?” He asked.

Shallan shrugged and shook her head. “Not a clue. Not even Renarin knows why it happened, though he seems to understand the most out of all of us  _ how _ it happened. Even that aspect of it is pretty much beyond me.”

“I understand it even less, if that makes you feel better.” Kaladin said.

She smirked. “Thanks. It doesn’t make me feel better to know that you don’t know as much as you want about this situation, but it does make me feel better to know that the one who actually  _ traveled _ between the timelines has no idea what he’s talking about and is in more or less the same boat as me.”

“I’m glad to be of service.” Kaladin said sarcastically.

Syl flitted up next to him, apparently done with her morning flight.

“Hi Syl. We’re going to do some final testing, then switch us back.” Kaladin filled in.

“Really?” Syl said. “I thought that Renarin said it would be a few days.”

“Things went surprisingly smoothly.” Shallan said. “The few days was an estimate to account for figuring out how to summon the timeline perpendicularity, but we figured it out much sooner than expected. Just a hop skip and a jump from there to sending the Kaladins back.”

When they got there, Navani excitedly ushered them in, getting them (mostly Shallan, as Kaladin didn’t understand half the words she was saying) caught up on what they had done since Shallan had left. Adolin was there, and looked at him differently than he had the first time. He looked at him with understanding and comradery, different to how his own Adolin would look at him, but no longer panicked by Kaladin’s presence. That was good. 

Dalinar was also there, and looked between him and Adolin, face contorted slightly like he was trying to comprehend the fact that there could have been something between them. It almost would have been funny, if Adolin hadn’t looked so uncomfortable under his father’s gaze. They had a strained relationship ever since Dalinar released the first draft of Oathbringer. Adolin was a mess that night, and he couldn’t look Dalinar in the eye for a week after. Kaladin tried to give Adolin a sympathetic look from across the room.

He, as well as the other Radiants in the room, kept getting refilled with Stormlight, as Dalinar kept opening perpendicularities. It made him want to  _ do _ something, and he settled for lashing himself in opposing directions over and over until the Stormlight dissipated. He could see Shallan making grand illusions in the corner of the room with hers. There was something different about the perpendicularity, though he couldn’t put his finger on what it was, exactly. He could  _ feel _ it, though. It made him aware of his surroundings, and gave him more focus. It almost felt like his skin was crawling slightly, but in a neutral rather than bad way.

They sent the cremlings through, one at a time, at each instance having Kaladin do or think about different things. They would write things down between each time, though Kaladin didn’t know what there could be to write down. They were taking a particularly long time discussing this most recent test, and Kaladin had sat down.

“All right Kaladin. This is the big one.” Shallan said. “We’re going to send you home.”

Kaladin came out of his idle torpor, slightly startled. It was time? He rose from his chair.

“You’re going to have to think about the cosmere you originated from, as that’s what we found works best.” Navani said. “Renarin and Dalinar will open the timeline perpendicularly, you focus on your own cosmere, and you will walk through. We are nearly completely confident that this will result in you switching places with the other Kaladin. Do you understand?”

Kaladin nodded. “Yes, I do.” he turned to Shallan, and briefly hugged her.

“It was nice getting to know you, other Shallan.” he said. She smiled up at him.

“Likewise. I’ll remember the times that you gave me all sorts of embarrassing information about Kaladin with fondness.”

He smiled back at her, then turned to Adolin. He walked up to him and kissed him once on the top of his head, heedless of Dalinar and Navani standing nearby.

“I wish you luck on figuring things out. He can be stubborn, but he does, and he will no matter what happens, care for you in his own way.” he said lowly, so only Adolin could understand the words.

“Thanks. I hope you’re happy with him in your own cosmere.” Adolin said, smiling slightly.

Kaladin didn’t answer verbally, he only smiled at him with a look that said he was. Next he turned to Renarin. Dalinar and Navani, he noticed from the corner of his eye, had matching surprised expressions.

He patted Renarin on the shoulder. “Thank you for what you did in working to bring us back. You were essential to me getting back home, and I appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem.” Renarin said. “I’ve learned a lot from this.”

Finally, he turned to Dalinar and Navani, who were still looking at him oddly.

“Thank you for taking time out of your extremely busy days for these experiments. You could have been doing many other things that vied for your attention, and you chose to help me. I thank you deeply for that.”

“Of course, Kaladin.” Navani said, after taking a short moment to process the words. “Almighty knows you’ve saved our very lives on many occasions. We wouldn’t miss the opportunity to help you in return.” Dalinar said nothing, but Kaladin understood. This situation, like for everyone, was strange for him, and he wasn’t one who knew his way with words like some others.

“It was nice being with you, Syl. Thanks for being by my side, even though I’m not quite the Kaladin you know.” Kaladin said, looking at Syl. She smiled back at him.

“I’m ready.” Kaladin said.

Dalinar and Renarin shuffled for a moment, then summoned the perpendicularity. At once Kaladin felt the focus and awareness that the perpendicularity gave him, made more intense by him standing so close. He could feel the Stormlight streaming off of him, could feel the intense light through his closed eyes.

He thought about his own cosmere. He thought about the man who would soon be his husband. He thought about his family, and his men. He thought about his bed that he shared with his betrothed, and he thought about the room that he had shared so many of his meals with with his family. He thought about his home.

And he stepped through.

~~~

Kaladin existed.

That was strange. 

How could someone exist without a context for them to exist in?

He was Kaladin Stormblessed, soon to be Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin, from Alethkar, Roshar.

But Alethkar nor Roshar existed.

Neither did Adolin, who would add the Kholin onto the end of Kaladin’s name.

So how did Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin exist?

He simply did.

He gave meaning to those words. They existed through him.

He existed.

They existed.

He could find them.

He-

_ He- _

He was falling. Closer and closer, to a place where Alethkar did exist. Where Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin existed.

Accelerating, time flying by him, brushing his very being like wind would.

He laughed.

~~~

Kaladin tumbled through the perpendicularity, and was caught by somebody. He had an incredible headache, and sucked in some Stormlight from somewhere to make it go away.

He groaned, then looked up, finding the concerned eyes of his betrothed staring back at him.

“Is it you?” Kaladin asked. “Are you my betrothed? No other strange thing, like me being your chef or anything?”

Adolin kissed him, and Kaladin felt relief flood through him in an instant. The kiss lasted less than a second, Adolin opting to hug him close to his chest instead.

“So…” Kaladin said. “Not a chef then?”

Adolin laughed, tears of relief in his eyes. “I am Highprince Adolin Kholin, soon to be Adolin Stormblessed-Kholin, and you are my betrothed Highmarshall Kaladin Stormblessed, soon to be Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin. And just to make things clear, you are a  _ terrible _ cook.”

Kaladin held Adolin tightly against him and sighed. He was relieved to be back where he belonged. He pulled away to look at his family, who were all here except for Jasnah.

“Thanks for working so hard to bring me back. I know you all have very busy schedules and you dropped them when you heard I was stuck somewhere. I appreciate it.” Kaladin said.

“There wasn’t even a question of it. We wouldn’t have done anything else.” Navani said. 

“It is appreciated even still.” Kaladin said. He smiled at all of them. “Now, if I may excuse myself, I would like to speak with my betrothed. I’ll see you all at lunch?”

“It’ll give us plenty of time to gossip behind your back!” Shallan said cheerfully. Kaladin shot her a fake-annoyed but fond look, then walked out with his betrothed on his arm.

“So.” Kaladin asked once they were out. “Is he a good kisser?”

“Not as good as you. He was incredibly cute, and a novel experience to be sure, but I missed you. The  _ actual _ question of import is whether the other Adolin was a good kisser.” Adolin responded.

“He was magnificent. It’s so unfair. Why did you get all of the kissing abilities?” Kaladin lamented.

“I’ve courted dozens of people.” Adolin said.

“Irrelevant. You would probably kiss just as well without having courted any of them. I just know it.” Kaladin countered. Adolin smiled at him fondly, and storms had he missed that smile. It could melt the coldest heart. It melted his, after all, now on two separate occasions.

“I missed you.” Kaladin said.

“I missed you too.” Adolin said, still wearing the smile that warmed Kaladin’s soul.

“I should really repay you for taking care of the other Kaladin while I was away. I heard you helped him through a breakdown?”

Adolin nodded. “He succumbed to the ungodly experience that is having feelings, and didn’t take it too well. And I took care of him because I wanted to. You know you don’t owe me anything.” He paused. “... But, if you insisted, I could think of a few things…”

“You’re really going to use this to make me wear the uniform you defiled?” Kaladin said with a groan.

“I hardly think adding gold trimming is defiling. And maybe.” Adolin grinned at him.

Insufferable man.

“I love you.” Kaladin said.

Adolin’s smile softened into something more tender. 

“Love you too, Kal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the last of the AU Kaladin. He gets home and is reunited with his own Adolin, and they’re both happy. I feel really sad at the idea that this is the last I’ll get to write of him and everyone else from the AU, so I’ve added this work as the first of a series called Retrospect After Everything (named after my friendly writing demon who sometimes possesses me and my friends). I have a few ideas rolling around in my head for drabbles I could write for these guys. Thank you again for all your comments, I feel spoiled! I appreciate every one of them!
> 
> P.S. The timelines and continuity are sort of wonky, but I wanted to prioritize coherency over chronology, so rather than split up the chapters there is going to be a bit where you see AU Adolin in the morning before his scene here.


	18. Chapter 17

Vevesah, 1174

Kaladin woke up feeling a lot warmer than usual. His limbs, which had not quite woken up yet themselves, were tangled around something. He felt incredibly comfortable. He cracked open his eyes, and remembered where he was. Who he was with. His breath hitched and his face heated up as he remembered falling asleep with Adolin in his arms. 

Adolin sat there, breathing evenly. Apparently he only snored some of the time. He was loosely enveloped in Kaladin’s arms, sleeping so peacefully, like being with Kaladin protected him from all the dangers of the world.  _ I always sleep better in your arms _ , he had said. Storms. That tightening in his chest and stomach wasn’t a bad feeling, he realized, though it did make him feel on edge. But it made him feel on edge in a good way, somehow.

He felt strangely emotional at this sight. He didn’t know what it was about it, but something about it made him feel like he mattered, that he would do anything to protect that implicit faith in him that Adolin showed by letting Kaladin hold him as he slept. It made him want to pull Adolin closer to his chest, but he didn’t dare disturb the serenity that Adolin was in.

So instead he just lay there, basking in his own emotions, something he was completely unused to. It was uncomfortable in a way, there were so many things in his mind that he felt like he might drown in them all. But everytime he felt like he might be overwhelmed, he looked at Adolin’s resting face and somehow it made everything okay.

He was studying Adolin’s face again when Adolin stirred, opened his eyes, looked right back at him, and  _ smiled  _ in a way that was so filled with adoration and still sleepy from having just woken up. And it  _ shattered _ Kaladin. He felt his heart break into a million pieces and reforge themselves into something stronger. Tears welled in his eyes as he finally gave in to the urge to pull Adolin tight to his chest. Adolin held him tighter in return, chuckling softly in fondness.

_ Storms _ . Kaladin was  _ done _ for.

What was he going to do when he got back? He couldn’t be with Adolin there. Was this his only chance at holding him close? The thought made him panic slightly. 

“Y’ okay, Kaladin?” Adolin asked in a sleepy voice that made him melt even more.

“I’m fine.” he said. Adolin pulled away so he could look at him, then frowned at him.[11] 

“No you’re not.”

Kaladin struggled for a moment internally, before he got the willpower to say it.

“I’m scared that this is the only time I get to be with you like this. I’ll have to go back and continue living as normal, always having the knowledge of what could have been.” The words were easier to say than he expected. Something about the environment was so comfortable and safe, and his mind had given up on policing itself ever since yesterday morning. He would have to remove himself from that comfort at some point.

“You don’t know that.” Adolin said, brushing Kaladin’s cheek with his thumb.

Kaladin did know that, but he decided against saying so. He took Adolin’s hand, which was stroking his face, and kissed the palm. Then he kissed the top of Adolin’s head, then his forehead, then his cheek. He looked into Adolin’s eyes, those eyes that could never hurt him. He wanted to protect the soul behind those eyes. He leaned in to kiss him on the mouth again.

And it was like the first time, except Kaladin  _ knew _ now. He let himself enjoy it, as this was one of his last chances to do so. He savored the closeness and the warmth and the intimacy. It was slow, Adolin still sleepy from having just woken up, and Kaladin attempting to commit each instant to memory. He got the sense that Adolin had done this countless times before with the other Kaladin, based on how easy he seemed to be moving, despite the fact that he hadn’t completely come to his senses. 

When they broke apart, the soft sound of it echoing in his mind, there was an air of finality to it for Kaladin.  _ That’s the last time I'll get to do that _ . He tried to feel at peace with it. He really, really tried. He looked at Adolin for a moment more before turning to get up.

He stretched, hearing a few bones pop satisfyingly as he did so. Behind him the covers shuffled, and Adolin stretched too.

“Are you comfortable with me changing while you’re here?” Adolin asked. Kaladin paused. Was he?

“Yeah.” Kaladin said. “I’ll just be turned around.”

There was some more shuffling from the cupboard and the drawers, then the sound of fabric running against skin. Kaladin’s eyes found that same picture of them laughing again. He looked at it with a new, undefinable perspective.

“Done.” Adolin said. Kaladin turned around to see him dressed in his usual uniform, with some ostentatious additions in the house glyph and trimming. He had been wearing those pronounced additions more often lately, on Kaladin’s side too. He didn’t know why that was. Usually he had always followed the Codes of War to the letter, like his father wanted him to. But then, their relationship hadn’t been the same ever since Dalinar released the draft of his book where he admitted to killing Adolin’s mother. Maybe that was it.

Kaladin went to the closet to get a Bridge Four uniform, as he had changed into more casual clothing when he had gone to dinner with the Kholins. He scowled when he accidentally pulled out the gold trimmed one again. He heard Adolin snerk behind him. He shoved it back into the closet and grabbed the one beside it instead. He turned around, trying to figure out how to ask Adolin to not look while he was changing in a way that didn’t seem offensive. Adolin saw his face and turned around.

“Already turned around, bridgeboy. I won’t look.”

Kaladin blinked, taken aback by 2 things: the fact that Adolin already could tell what he was going to ask for, and the fact that Kaladin now recognized the affection behind the nickname, even though he didn’t say it differently than the Adolin back home. These things made him pause briefly, but he quickly started to change. He could hear Adolin messing around with something in the background, and then smelled the cologne that was inseparable to Kaladin from Adolin himself.

“Done.” Kaladin said. Adolin turned back around to face him, and smiled at him again. That smile would be his undoing.

“You ready?” Adolin asked, hair done, cologne on. He looked at Kaladin. “Actually, can I brush your hair? It’s looking a bit frizzy.”

Kaladin paused again, caught off guard by the question. He was not used to this kind of attention.

“Sure.” Kaladin said.

Adolin retrieved a brush from a drawer, then sat back down on the bed, legs folded underneath him. He patted the edge of the bed, indicating that Kaladin should sit there. Kaladin did so, feeling strangely nervous for the first time today. What if he did something wrong or misunderstood what Adolin was telling him?

“Relax, Kal. It’s okay.” Adolin murmured, taking a lock of hair and running it through the brush. He pinched the locks of hair in his hand as he brushed it so the brush wouldn’t tug on Kaladin’s scalp while he got the tangles out. It was a soothing experience, the gentle pressure and sounds calming him. There was also a measure of trust in it, and he felt safe giving that trust to this Adolin. The knowledge that he  _ could _ have brushed his hair by himself and that he  _ chose _ to give the task to Adolin felt good somehow. 

Even after all the tangles were out, and Kaladin's hair lay only with its natural wave, Adolin continued to brush. Then he set the hairbrush down and massaged Kaladin’s scalp. Kaladin felt spoiled by it, as it was something that definitely didn’t need to be done, but that Adolin had done anyway solely for the sake of Kaladin. 

It felt amazing, in more ways than one. But the joy was accompanied by an ache. A bittersweetness that said this would never happen again. He sat with both emotions at once, not knowing how to banish the ache, not sure if he  _ should _ get rid of the ache. It didn’t detract from the joy, it even complimented it, enhanced it in a way, which he thought strange. It flowed in the other direction too, the pleasant feelings seeming to make the melancholy burn more, like salt on a wound. He idly contemplated this.

Adolin slowed down, then stopped. Kaladin opened his eyes, which had shut at some point.

“Thank you.” Kaladin said, standing up. Adolin hopped off the bed and stood up himself, smiling at him.

“No thanks necessary, Kal. I did that because I wanted to.”

Kaladin made a correction in his head. He didn’t just do that for Kaladin, he also did that because _he_ _wanted_ to do it. That somehow made it even better, and even worse.

“You ready?” Adolin asked again.

Kaladin nodded, and Adolin opened the door for them, shutting it after they both walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11Literally so funny to me that he will always say I’m fine and be completely bamboozled every time when nobody believes him. Like this happens every time and he just keeps doing it[return to text]


	19. Chapter 18

Warm smiles had greeted Kaladin when he and Adolin arrived at breakfast.

Navani, Renarin, Shallan, and Syl were pouring over some papers, looking at the different things they had written down, making connections, a couple small storm clouds above them. They had dissipated when they saw Kaladin, then ushered him over to look at the papers. He couldn’t tell what the words on the pages said, of course, but they explained in excited tones how they managed to summon the first timeline perpendicularity, pointing at different parts of the paper.

So, he was going home today?

Part of him already knew it. There had been something different about the atmosphere. He was glad, at the least, that he could be done with this soon. Or at least be in the right cosmere. This wouldn’t be _ over _ for some time after he got back. He still didn’t know what he was going to do.

He ate breakfast, chatting amiably with them. He felt the same sense of what he realized was familial closeness that he had at last night's dinner. They were the other Kaladin’s _ family _ . It was strange, but it was good in an uncomfortable way. It was uncomfortable because he  _ couldn’t  _ get used to it. He was going home today. After that, things would go back to normal, including the way he interacted with the Kholins.

They had done more testing afterwards, sending objects, then cremlings back and forth. Apparently this was how they tested if it was safe or not. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just send him after the first object arrived successfully, but he didn’t question them. They were looking out for his safety, even if Kaladin didn’t understand their methods.

He stood close to Adolin while they did the tests, which were similar to the ones he had done before, except this time Dalinar and Renarin kept summoning their timeline perpendicularly. Kaladin lashed himself in opposing directions to get rid of the excess Stormlight from the perpendicularity, while Shallan kept making giant and intricate illusions. He didn’t know what Dalinar and Renarin were doing with theirs, but he got the sense that they were using it to keep the timeline perpendicularity open. 

The perpendicularity itself was strange. It was not like normal, which he probably should have expected. It felt off. It made him more aware, more focused. It was like it was when he was in a fight, except without the panic. He had experienced panic on its own before, but never the strange one-minded focus and awareness that encompassed him when he used a spear.

They sent more objects and cremlings through, one at a time. They stopped, talking for longer than usual, pulling out pieces of paper from yesterday and discussing.

“I think it should be safe. We should send the Kaladins through now.” Navani said, turning around.

Kaladin started slightly.

“It’s time?” Kaladin asked.

Navani nodded. “You’re going to need to think about your own timeline, as that has worked the best for our tests. Just like we’ve had you do before. Dalinar and Renarin will summon the timeline perpendicularity, and you walk through. We are confident this will work.”

Kaladin looked around the room, then his eyes settled on Adolin. Adolin smiled in what was likely meant to be a comforting way.

“Thank you.” Kaladin turned to the rest of them. “Thank you all, for working to get me and the other Kaladin back where we belong. I really appreciate it. I’ll think about you long after I’ve left.” And he wasn’t just saying that. He had never been good with flattery. He  _ would _ be thinking about them long after he left.

Adolin caught Kaladin’s hand and turned him around, then kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m glad I got to know you, Kaladin. I wish you the best of luck with things on your side.” he said.

Kaladin smiled solemnly at him, appreciating the sentiment.

“Thank you in particular, Adolin. I appreciate what you did for me.” Kaladin said softly.

“Of course.” Adolin said.

Kaladin took one last look around the room, at the people who viewed him as family, and at Syl. They looked just like the ones back home. He took a deep breath.

“I’m ready.”

Renarin held up a hand hesitantly. “The other Kaladin isn’t quite ready yet. The other me thinks it will be just a moment.”

That made sense. Kaladin felt at Adolin’s hand, which was still in his own. He squeezed it, and Adolin squeezed back. It gave him strength. Courage, more like it. It didn’t ease his nervousness, but it did make him feel like he could walk through with a more confident stride.

“Okay. We’re ready.” Renarin said.

Renarin and Dalinar summoned the perpendicularity. That strange sense of awareness and focus that the perpendicularity gave off hit Kaladin, making him hyper aware of everything around him. The calluses and smooth skin of Adolins hand suddenly seemed to become more pronounced.

Kaladin let go of Adolin’s hand, silently saying goodbye through one last squeeze.

And he thought. He focused on what he had back home. He thought about his men. He thought about the Kholins, and Shallan. He thought about his bed at the barracks, his training yard for the Windrunners, the barrack’s kitchen. He thought about his home.

And he stepped through.

~~~

Kaladin was somewhere that wasn’t.

Kaladin existed, but it didn’t make sense how he did.

His mother and father didn’t exist here.

Hearthstone, Alethkar, and Roshar didn’t exist here.

The very axi that Kaladin was made of didn’t exist here.

Everything that gave Kaladin context did not exist.

Yet somehow, Kaladin himself did.

Strange.

But, those things did exist somewhere.

They existed within himself.

He had connections to the world which gave him context.

The world which he gave context.

He could go back.

He took ahold of the connection like it was a rope, leading him back home.

He crawled, then he walked, then he  _ sprinted _ .

And soon, something beyond his own power was propelling him at increasing speed towards that world.  _ His _ world.

He fell.

And he laughed.

~~~

Kaladin tumbled through the perpendicularity. Someone caught him as he did. Storms, his head  _ hurt _ . He drew in Stormlight by reflex, and the pain vanished. He looked up to find that the person who had caught him was  _ Adolin _ .

His Adolin. The one that was married to Shallan. He pointedly policed his thoughts, definitely  _ not _ thinking about how he had kissed the other Adolin-

Oh, who was he kidding.

He was ruined.

He blushed deeply and extracted himself from Adolin’s arms, standing straight up. He saluted Dalinar, who was in the room. He could see a few shamespren falling, but he tried not to let them affect him.

“Sir. Thank you for bringing me home. Thank all of you for working to do this on such short notice.”

“Of course.” Dalinar said. He seemed to want to say something more, sparing a glance at the shamespren which fell around Kaladin, but he didn’t. Storms. How did  _ he _ feel about this? Randomly finding out that his son could have been married to the captain of his guard? He felt like shrinking back, but managed to keep his posture tall.

“Kaladin,” Adolin said, “we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy morning kisses because I am weak for that kind of thing. Kaladin fully realizes that he is legitimately in love, and he of course isn’t necessarily happy about it. Many mixed feelings. Everyone is now back in the right space which they belong, and it’s time for the fallout to be addressed. How will Kaladin take it? Not well, just like every other emotionally taxing experience. One more chapter left, then the epilogue, about 5k more words in total. Thank you again for your support :,) I'm glad and so grateful you guys like it!


	20. Chapter 19

Kaladin found himself sweating just a little as he, Adolin, and Shallan walked through the hallways. Syl followed, and she had begrudgingly agreed to stay outside while they talked. She liked to know everything that went on with Kaladin, and it made her unhappy when she was excluded like that. But Kaladin wasn’t sure if he could handle much more than having this talk with them in the first place, even without having to explain things to Syl and having to account for an additional individual’s dynamic in the conversation. 

He didn’t know where they were going, but Adolin walked in front like he did, Kaladin and Shallan trailing behind. He looked at Shallan, nervous. Sure, she had become friends with the other Kaladin, and she didn’t seem to mind that the other Kaladin was married to a version of her husband, but what if that didn’t extend to Kaladin himself? What if she felt uncomfortable around him now? There certainly wouldn’t be any more of those outings with Adolin and Shallan to that bar they liked.

Shallan noticed him, then fixed him with a stern yet compassionate gaze.

“You’re thinking too much. We’re not mad or embarrassed or upset with you. Tell your mind to knock it off if it’s telling you any of that. It’s putting words in our mouth.” She said quietly.

Adolin noticed her talking, and glanced back. Then he fell into step with them, sandwiching Kaladin in the middle.

“She’s right. We’re not any of those things. That’s actually what we wanted to talk to you about.” Adolin said.

_ What? _ Kaladin tried to figure out what that was supposed to mean. They wanted to talk about them not being upset with him? 

They rounded a corner, and Adolin opened a door. Adolin and Shallan’s rooms? Great. As if he needed  _ more _ reminders of his time in the other time-line.

He waved nervously to Syl as he stepped through, and she had a small pout on her face as she stopped outside the doorway.  _ Sorry _ , he mouthed. She huffed, then her face softened as she mouthed back,  _ It’s okay _ .

He walked into the room and oh, there was the couch he kissed Adolin on, and that was the couch where he woke up with his head in Adolin’s lap…

End his suffering.

He sat down, somewhat reluctantly. Whatever this talk was, he didn’t want to have it. He really didn’t. It meant that things would be changed in some way. But, his other self had said that it would be selfish to avoid this kind of communication, and damn him, but he was right. And so he sat uncomfortably, waiting for the world to flip itself on its head again. 

“There’s… not really an easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” Adolin said once they were all sat down.

Kaladin braced himself for the worst. He had no idea what the worst was, but the cosmere had a way of surprising him lately.

“I find you attractive, which is something I did not know before this happened.”

Kaladin’s heart leapt up to his throat, and he almost choked on his spit again. He had a moment of vertigo, and didn’t quite believe what his ears were telling him. He paused for a second where he questioned if he was delusional, then reviewed what was in his short-term auditory memory. It told him the same thing as before. Was he hallucinating?

It probably shouldn’t have surprised him, considering that they got married in another time-line, and based off his own inclinations that he discovered he had towards Adolin, and yet Kaladin found himself utterly thrown by the confirmation from Adolin himself.

There passed a moment where they said nothing at all, Kaladin blushing violently, Adolin getting a rising blush of his own, and even Shallan blushed, just to join in on the fun. At that moment, they were nothing more than 3 blushing messes who didn’t know enough about the situation to know exactly how to act.

Finally, ending the cursed silence at the admittedly steep price of starting another cursed verbal interaction, Adolin cleared his throat.

“Can I, uh… That is to say… Do you know? If you hold similar feelings in return?” Adolin stumbled through.

And of course, even though it was the next logical progression of the ‘conversation’ (which Kaladin wasn’t even sure if it could be called that at this point), it somehow seemed to Kaladin that it was the worst possible topic change in the history of mankind. He found himself choked up. Despite being the exact same room, this didn’t hold the comfortable sense of security that the other Adolin’s room had had. His blush became even more pronounced, if that was possible.

“I-” Kaladin said, voice tight. He could barely get that single word out. He tried clearing his throat, even though he knew that’s not why he couldn’t say it. 

_ Storm you! Just say it! One word! Get it over with! _ A part of him yelled.

“I, um.” Kaladin said, embarrassingly high pitched.

“It’s okay if you don’t.” Adolin said quickly. “It doesn’t matter which one it is. I don’t mean- of course it matters, but- that is to say- no one will be upset with you no matter which one it is. I don’t want to put pressure on you to say something or not say something based on what I said- If that your answer is yes or if it’s no- It will matter because how we move forward depends on it- but- wait, also, it’s okay if you don’t know- sorry, I just assumed that you would already know, didn’t I-” Adolin rambled. Kaladin stared at him, speechless, unable to stop him, not really processing very many of the words he was saying. Luckily, Shallan rested her hand on his arm, and he realized he was rambling, then stopped. 

Adolin sighed, then tried again. “What I was trying to say, is that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, or if you don’t know.”

“No, I…” Kaladin said. He meant to say that he did know, but the sentence fizzled out.

Adolin blinked at him.

“No?” Adolin asked.

“No!” Kaladin tried. “No, I mean, I didn’t mean no, I meant I do know but-” his throat tightened again.

Adolin’s face contorted in confusion. “No, but you do, no? Or you do know? Or no you don’t have feelings for me, or no you don’t not have feelings for me? Or no, you don’t know?”

“No, I know!” Kaladin said again, getting more flustered by the second. 

“You do know?” Adolin said, seeming to not completely comprehend what Kaladin was saying.

“Yes!” Kaladin said.

There was a moment of silence.

“So you do know if your answer is yes or no?” Adolin tried. He seemed to be genuinely confused and asking for clarification.

Kaladin let out a breath of pure exasperation, both at himself and Adolin, and for the situation in general.

“Yes, I do know.” Kaladin said.

Another moment of silence.

“...Which is it?” Adolin asked.

“I-” he got choked off again. Oh, he was just sick of this! He forced air into his lungs, and manually compelled his mouth to move each syllable. “ _ I _ …  _ Al _ so… Have  _ feel _ ings… For  _ you _ .” he forced out. Each word felt like moving a boulder, and he sat back, mentally exhausted. He squeezed his eyes shut, not really wanting to know what their reaction would be.

Someone grabbed his hand, and he wrenched an eye open to see Adolin with an expression akin to elation on his face. Why on  _ Roshar _ would that be his response? What was going on in his head?

“Kaladin! That’s great news!”

“And  _ why _ is that great news?” He demanded, half out of bitterness and half out of confusion. “You’re married to Shallan.” Kaladin said, as if Adolin had forgotten.

“Oh, right-” Adolin said. “-we, well- we had a… Proposition?” he relinquished Kaladin’s hand and went back to sit by Shallan. Adolin looked at her expectantly.

“Please don’t run away when I say this.” Shallan said. She seemed to take the news that her husband had feelings for someone else remarkably well. Suspiciously well, if Kaladin didn’t know any better. He was getting more confused with every second that passed.

“What would you think about a three person relationship?”

Another sucker punch, a blow somewhere completely unexpected. He couldn’t take much more of this. Just how many more twists was the cosmere planning to throw at him?

_ A Three. Person. Relationship. _

He looked at them, alarmed, and probably some other things, though he could not even dream of identifying them in the moment. His brain stalled, trying to add this to the balls that it was juggling.

“Just think about it,” Shallan said calmly, as if Kaladin weren’t 2 seconds away from having a brain aneurysm. “If you wanted to be with Adolin, and Adolin wanted to be with you, I would love having you around.”

_ What?? _

“And I don’t know if you’re inclined towards women at all, or even if you were if you would be inclined towards me, but we could certainly find that out.”

_ What??! _

“For the record, I’ve had my own inclinations towards you.”

Dead. Kaladin was dead. He had died when he stepped through that perpendicularity. The question was, was he in the Tranquiline Halls or Damnation? He idly pondered this, everything else forgotten. The things they had said weren’t real, after all. They  _ couldn’t be _ real.

“Shallan, I think you’ve broken him.” Adolin’s voice. Figments of his broken mind, or fabrications by an eccentric god who played with Kaladin’s mind like it was a child’s toy. 

A mirror of what Syl had said in the other timeline, when he was sitting in this exact spot, but Adolin was sitting in the chair closer to him.  _ Yep, I think he’s broken. We have to take him to the repair shop. Know any good Windrunner repair shops? _ He laughed at the similarity, though it wasn’t really funny. His brain seemed to have thrown out silly prerequisites for laughing such as having things be funny.

“Kaladin, are you okay? You’re scaring me.” Shallan said. His smile dropped and he stared at her, mind blank. Isn’t that what the ardents tried to achieve during meditation? Blankness of the mind? They didn’t have _ anything _ on the level of mind blankness that Kaladin was currently experiencing.[12] 

Adolin got up and walked over to Kaladin, then started rubbing his back. Kaladin’s eye twitched. Then, Shallan got up from the couch and walked over to Kaladin, rubbing the other side of his back.

The Tranquiline Halls, or Damnation?

The other Adolin’s words from when Kaladin had been a mess yesterday morning entered his brain, uninvited. He couldn’t muster the willpower to banish them, and he wasn’t even certain if he wanted to or not.

_ Don’t fight it. Let your thoughts exist and run their course. Give them the space they need. You don’t need to solve everything at this exact moment.  _

_ Deep breaths, Kaladin. You’re okay. _

And deep breaths he took, though he didn’t know why the words held so much value to him outside of their original context.

In and out. Sitting back and becoming an observer of his own mind, like he had done once before. Once again, it was incredibly uncomfortable and made him feel vulnerable, but it  _ had _ worked before.

Oh, what a  _ mess _ . Without anything sentient guiding it, his mind tried to fit the pieces together through pure chance, things randomly floating around at high speed and connections being made to take things from an unstable state to a stable state. Adolin was attracted to him. Shallan was attracted to him. They wanted him in their relationship.

Deep breaths.

Did he… Did he want that? 

He thought about Adolin. About how he had looked at Kaladin. About how it had felt so good to kiss him and hold him and wake up with him. About how the Kholins had treated him like family. About that smile that could change anyone's life, if it had been pointed at them. About how he had gone to jail in Kaladin’s defense, even before they liked each other a bit. And he thought about Shallan. Shallan, who was so strong, and had a beautiful smile and a sharp mind. He thought about pouring his deepest fears and most traumatic events out to her, and her doing the same in return. About holding her until they both fell asleep in the chasm.

His mind ran at the speed of a highstorm at first, thoughts lasting less than a second. Then they started to linger for longer. Still intense, but more focused. They slowed down further, Kaladin now capable of adding rational thought to the conversation. Still not in control, but a contributor. It kept slowing down until one thought, a thought about what it might be like to eat breakfast with them with the rest of the Kholins, ended, and instead of another taking its place, he found his mind empty again. It was a different kind of empty from before, a calm lake instead of an eye of a storm.

He took one last deep breath.

“I’m… I’m back. Sorry about that.” Kaladin said just a touch hoarse. Shallan and Adolin still had their hands on his back, although Shallan had stopped rubbing and started stroking, and Adolin had stopped at some point too.

“No apologizing.” Shallan said. “It was a lot to take in. I’m sorry for saying it all at once like that. I really need to get a bit better at this.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I needed to hear it all.” Kaladin said with a sigh.

“And…” he swallowed, mustering up courage. “I think I’m interested. But I have  _ no idea _ how that would work.”

Adolin and Shallan simultaneously found each other's eyes, and they both grinned ear to ear. Then, they both fixated those beaming grins on Kaladin. He jumped a little, still not used to that kind of positive attention. Shallan dulled her own grin just a little, becoming more serious.

“We can  _ make _ it work. You and I can make the very forces of nature bow to our whims, the forces of Alethi society should be a breeze in contrast.” Shallan said.

“What about me?” Adolin said.

“You are our much needed moral support.” Shallan said seriously.

Adolin hummed, thinking. “And what does that entail?”

“Making sure we get plenty of kisses, smiles, cuddles, and the like.” Shallan said. Even knowing what Kaladin knew, that still made heat rise in his face.

“I can live with that.” Adolin said.

“You should know…” Kaladin started quietly, being briefly overcome with self-consciousness before shaking it off and continuing. “I… or the other Adolin, he said that I didn’t have inclinations towards women.” he paused, then continued. “But, me and the other Kaladin could be different, and I wouldn’t be… opposed to trying things out.”

Shallan grinned at him in pure delight. Storms, he was going to have to get used to those blinding smiles from both of them.

“Is that… an offer?” she asked. “Or are you done for the day? I see that this conversation has been taxing on you, and I wouldn’t want to overstep.”

Kaladin considered. He  _ was _ curious, and what was one more potentially life-altering experience after all that? He nodded shyly, still slightly overwhelmed.

“Sure. here, sit down?” he gestured to the seat beside him. He still had little to no confidence about any of this. It was really Adolin’s confidence that had carried him through the previous encounters. It felt strange, and also good, to be the one initiating.

Shallan did sit down, and he tentatively brought his hand to her face. Then he closed his eyes and leaned in.

Her lips were softer than Adolin’s had been, and also were a different shape. It was different in a way he couldn’t describe, beyond the physical differences. He felt the connection, but it didn’t stir things in him the way it did when he kissed Adolin. Neither of them were very good at kissing, although Shallan was clearly more experienced. But it was… warm. Slightly wet. Not altogether unpleasant.

He pulled away, and Shallan looked at him like he had just told her the deepest, most fascinating secrets of the cosmere.  _ That _ pulled at his chest. He felt the urge to pull her close, so he did. She hugged him back. He looked up at Adolin, a small part of him still worried that he would be upset with Kaladin for  _ kissing his wife _ . But he was smiling at them, with something Kaladin might call  _ pride _ . He got down on their level and hugged them both.

And for a moment, it was just the three of them. It was a beautiful moment. He could feel both of their joy, their excited nervousness at having started something new. The joy of new love, of daring to question the world around them to carve out a space for them to exist. And he started to understand. They wanted him. And, damn it all, but Kaladin wanted them too. It was from that understanding that they started to band together, ready to face anything the world could throw at them. Individually they had weaknesses. But together, they  _ could _ do anything. _ Strength _ before weakness.

Kaladin smiled, feeling happy and nervous and utterly in love.

  
This had ended  _ very _ differently than he had ever expected it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12no thoughts brain scrampled egg[return to text]
> 
> I am crying.
> 
> …
> 
> OK THEY DID IT… I AM SO PROUD OF THEM ALL. They finally are unofficially officially a poly triad now. This is the end of this storyline, the epilogue will be a 6 month time skip that shows their established relationship. I have this big sappy spiel that I wrote at 1am last night about how grateful I am for you guys reading, but I’m saving it for the epilogue chapter. But suffice to say, I am so grateful for you guys reading and being with me through these guys’ story. You guys found depth and some hidden meanings that I didn’t even realize I subconsciously put in until you pointed them out. You helped me know my own story better, and that’s just so cool, and I am so thankful for it. Thank you for reading these guys’ adventure :)


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I am putting some of the notes here, since I kind of went over the character limit for the end notes.... oops. I also had to dump the 2 footnotes I was planning. They were just jokes about catboys and also ben shapiro, and you'll probably be able to spot where both would have gone.)
> 
> I feel so emotional putting this final bit out into the world. This fic has been my baby for the past month or so, and was at some level stewing in my head months before that. I’m glad to have it done, but also sad, a little. I will be writing more for this story, but this part is over, which is always bittersweet. I already have the rough draft of a canon-timeline Shallan fic, which takes place the day after the first switch, and I hope to write more after that.
> 
> This fic, and the publishing it, has taught me a lot. In the endnotes you will find I wrote right after the new year was rung in, when I was feeling incredibly emotional. I have edited it somewhat for coherency, but I think the sentiment is about as candid as I could get it. Enjoy this last part.

Ishiesach, 1174

Kaladin packed up the last of the small amount of boxes in his room. Just some clothing, this of the more casual sort that he didn’t wear as often, though he had been amassing more ever since his relationship with Adolin and Shallan had started. They seemed to enjoy showering him (and each other) in gifts. Kaladin tried to get things for them in return, interesting looking drawing supplies for Shallan, and interesting looking clothing for Adolin. Unfortunately (not really, as their faces could be priceless), interesting didn’t always translate to useful or of their own tastes. Well, how was Kaladin supposed to know that red and pink didn’t go well together? They were all just colors. Adolin had just sighed at him fondly and lamented his lack of taste in fashion, a smile on his face.

Syl was there, and Adolin and Shallan were also there helping him, although it wasn’t exactly an arduous task. After Kaladin finished packing up his last box, he walked over to his bed (which had the sheets removed), where he had put the picture. It was a picture of Kaladin and Adolin laughing, Shallan smiling broadly with laughter in her eyes, sandwiched in between them. She had taken this memory with a mirror, held up before them. You could see where her arm was stretched out, holding the mirror. Joyspren flowed around them. It was beautiful. They were laughing about some particularly funny illusions that Shallan had made, adding mink features onto illusions of world leaders. Even still, the image of Dalinar with fuzzy triangular ears and a tail made him snerk.

He didn’t want to put this picture in a box. It was very precious to him, and he didn’t want it squished somewhere, like it was some ordinary nick-knack. He had just about been moved to tears when Shallan presented it to him for the first time. It was so reminiscent of that other picture in the other Kaladin and Adolin’s room. When he had looked at that one, he had wanted what was captured in that picture, and before he had left that cosmere he had resigned himself to knowing that he could never have it. When Shallan had given it to him, it shook him. Not only  _ could _ he have what was in the picture, but he  _ did _ have it. It was symbolic to him of their relationship. He held the picture in its frame with reverence.

Adolin walked up and hugged him from behind, arms wrapped around Kaladin’s waist, chin resting on Kaladin’s shoulder. Shallan came up from his other side, and held the other half of the picture. Syl floated around somewhere, and she might have landed on his head.

“Where should we put it?” Shallan asked.

“In the bedroom?” Kaladin said. “There’s an open spot on the wall across from the bed.” Adolin hummed in agreeability.

“Seems doable.” Shallan said. Kaladin nodded absently, getting lost for a countless time in the picture. He gently set it back down on the bed. 

Kaladin walked over to where the boxes were stacked, Adolin relinquishing his hug. He drew in Stormlight, then gave each box a little less than a half lashing. It would make them incredibly light, but they wouldn’t drift away. It would make them the easiest to carry. They each picked up a few, Kaladin putting the picture on top of his small stack, lashing it to the boxes for good measure to keep it safe.

He took one last look around the room. He was giving it to Sigzil, just like the other Kaladin had. He wondered how many of his choices were influenced by what he knew the other Kaladin did, and how many really were what he would have chosen anyway. 

“Everyone ready?” Kaladin asked.

“Ready!” Shallan said. Adolin removed one of his arms to give a quick thumbs up, then quickly replaced it before the boxes fell too far.

“Also ready!” Syl said.

“You’re not carrying a box, Syl.” Kaladin said.

“I know. I’m ready anyway.” Syl replied easily.

Kaladin took a deep breath, then stepped out, Adolin and Shallan following behind, then Syl.

Lopen, who was in the hallway (on the ceiling), waved at them with a smile. Drehy, who was further down, also waved at them. The bridgemen had been surprisingly supportive of his unconventional relationship, even the ones from Vorin countries seemed to be of the opinion that if Kaladin Stormblessed was doing it, it was instantly respectable. Sigzil, who had previously been concerned about the lack of paperwork for same-gender relationships, had been similarly concerned about the lack of paperwork for a 3 person relationship, but didn’t seem to find any issue with the concept itself. There  _ were _ some bridgemen who looked at him strangely now, but Kaladin learned not to mind. It was his life, not theirs. They could think what they wanted, but Kaladin wouldn’t let them get in the way of his own being happy.

As they walked out of the bridgemen quarters, they drew even more stares from passer-bys. Their relationship had become public news, whispered about in the streets and gossiped about in spanreed conversations. Some people whispered that either Adolin or Shallan had become unhappy with their marriage, and sought out another person behind the others back, only for both of them to claim that Kaladin had been a part of their relationship from the start to save the embarrassment of being caught and having an adulterous spouse. Fools. They knew nothing, and somehow couldn’t comprehend that they all genuinely loved each other. That was their own loss, not Kaladin’s, or Adolin or Shallan’s.

Others whispered that it had a more salacious motive behind it, the 3 of them together solely for some unique sexual aspect. They were wrong too. Exploring physical pleasure was something new and gratifying for Kaladin in more ways than one. They had discovered that while Kaladin was definitely not attracted to Shallan, he didn’t mind doing physical things for her sake. And needless to say, being with Adolin was wonderful. But it was not, and had never even come close to, being a compelling reason for them to stay together. They stayed together because they loved each other to the point of being willing to die for one another, not that any of them would ever let any of the others make that kind of choice. 

And Shallan wasn’t just Shallan. She was Radiant, and she was Veil. Veil got along quite well with Kaladin. They could snark at each other endlessly, which Adolin sometimes found annoying, and sometimes found cute. Kaladin suspected it was a mixture of both, most times. He and Radiant had a more formal relationship. They could get along just fine, but there wasn’t much more beyond that. They were friends of circumstance. And more and more often lately, she would wear male faces. She had been doing it in private for months, but had recently gotten the courage to try it in public. She was still Shallan, and Veil, and Radiant when she did, just male versions of them. He still didn’t quite understand how, but she said she liked being a man sometimes. But he didn’t need to understand. It made Shallan happy, and that was enough for Kaladin.

They all trusted in each other, and they cared for each other when they were not well. It was their trust in one another, along with mutual respect that made it work. 

And communication, which Kaladin had been struggling to get better at. It was an uphill climb, as identifying and coming to terms with his own feelings was difficult for him, and communicating them could be even more so at times. But he was willing to do it. For them. To get better at it. They had been so patient with him, helping him through his stumbles, refusing to leave when he tried to push them away. It was still hard, but their encouragement made it a bit easier sometimes, and it always made him want to try harder. It had taken longer than he would like to admit for the concept of people caring about him beyond surface level to finally sink in. They  _ loved him _ . It was both terrifying and freeing.

He felt happy today, which was rare for him. He couldn’t explain why. Yes, he was moving out of his barracks and into the room of his partners, and that was part of it. He couldn’t help but worry about it, though Shallan had laughed when he had said it.  _ You’re suspicious of anything good! _ She had said,  _ It’s a good day today. You’re happy. Let it be. _ She had seemed to know something more, but she didn’t say it. Kaladin would try to pry it out of her later.

They passed Renarin in the hallway, and he smiled at them. Kaladin nodded at him, smiling back, and Adolin waved. Shallan also sent him a smile. The Kholins had each had an interesting reaction. Dalinar had been hesitant at first, but had eventually warmed up to the idea once they all made it clear that they weren’t going to give this up. He still didn’t seem to understand it completely, but he didn’t need to. Navani had been confused at first, concerned at what the motive was behind it. She too eventually became more comfortable with the idea of their triad, coming to understand that it  _ was _ based on love. Jasnah had been nonplussed, but didn’t seem to be opposed to it in any way. Then, Jasnah was anything but conventional, especially after her appointment as Queen of Alethkar, making controversial law after controversial law. And Renarin… Well, Renarin had seemed like he had known how this would go before anyone else did, and was completely unfazed when they came to him with the news. 

And of course Syl. She had taken it very well, not having any human biases for or against monogamy. She was simply elated that Kaladin had got into a relationship in the first place, as she had been pushing for him to do for a long time. He wasn’t in the relationship to make Syl happy, but he was glad it did anyway.

They all ate dinner together, similar to how Kaladin had when he had been in the other cosmere. The first time had been awkward, and even now he wasn’t quite at the level that he had observed in the other cosmere, but they were beginning to adapt to him being there. He still ate meals with the bridgemen and squires, but they were interspaced with meals with the Kholins.

As for Kaladin’s own family, his father was disapproving as always, not that Kaladin would expect anything less. Lirin made it known that he wasn’t in favor of this kind of arrangement, and Shallan, who was with him at the time, had made it very clear that he didn’t get a vote. It was deeply satisfying to watch someone with a quick wit and moral high ground thoroughly smack down someone who Kaladin could never find the right words to stand up to. Lirin had, since that day, begrudgingly kept his thoughts about their relationship in the confines of his brain, though his opinion had likely remained unchanged. That suited Kaladin just fine. Let him think what he wished. 

Hesina had been surprised, but had taken to the idea rather quickly. She had always had less conventional beliefs, as far back as he could remember, and thought the idea of a 3 person relationship unique. She still had been cautious with Adolin and Shallan at the beginning, unsure of their and her place in this kind of dynamic. The more she had been around them and talked to them, however, she in time started to warm up to them and started getting along and gossiping with them. Little Oroden of course had no opinion on it, even if he was starting to develop the ability to say short words (‘ba!’ ‘ma!’ and ‘ooo!’ were favorites of his at the moment). The first time Oroden reached his hands up for Adolin to hold him, Kaladin had just about been moved to tears. Shallan had little experience with children, being the baby of her family, as well as being isolated for most of her life. She made up for it, in Oroden’s opinion, by having the ability to make beautiful and funny illusions for Oroden’s viewing pleasure.

Their relationship was work. It was tireless work, and it could be taxing. But it was all so, so worth it. It was worth it when Shallan smiled at him with love after he made a bad pun, it was worth it when Adolin enveloped himself in Kaladin’s arms at night, it was worth it when his mind worked against him and he could fall back on 2 minds working for him, it was worth it when he was sitting at their favorite bar laughing with them and realizing in that moment there was nowhere else he’d rather be and nothing else he’d rather be doing.

He pushed open the door to Adolin and Shallan’s rooms, which were now Kaladin’s as well. He looked around the space that he could now call his own. He took it in for a second, then continued to their bedroom. He set down his boxes next to the bed, the bed which was thankfully huge enough to fit all three of them with room to spare. He reclaimed the Stormlight from the lashings, taking the picture off the top of the boxes. He took the picture in his hand again, and he heard Adolin and Shallan follow in behind him, setting down their own boxes. 

Kaladin walked over to the wall across from the bed, and lashed it to the wall to see what it would look like. He would get a nail to hang it off of in a bit, but this would do for the moment. He stepped back and looked at the picture, Syl floating near it, inspecting its place. It filled him with love and joy, though he  _ was _ feeling particularly emotional today. He turned around and saw those people that were captured in the picture in real life, Shallan and Adolin nodding in approval at the placement.

“I love you.” Kaladin said. Both of them immediately turned away from considering the picture to Kaladin. He didn’t often proclaim his love for them verbally, as it was usually hard for him to vocalize it. But something had taken ahold of him today.

They both smiled at him with light that seemed to be taken from the sun itself. Shallan hurried over to him to wrap him in an embrace, and Adolin followed soon after. He wrapped his arms around them both, basking in their presence.

“You’re affectionate today.” Adolin mumbled into his neck.

“It’s a special day.” Kaladin said. He didn’t quite know why it was special beyond being the day that he moved in with them, but something in him told him it was.

“The other Kaladin is getting married to the other Adolin today.” Shallan said, as if reading Kaladin’s thoughts, face pressed against Kaladin’s chest.

Kaladin blinked. “Really?” Turns out he hadn’t had to pry it out of her after all.

Shallan hummed. “Ishiesach, 1174.”

Huh. Well that  _ could _ explain the heightened mood Kaladin had. Many of Kaladin’s emotions were based off of intuition, and he and the other Kaladin were connected, in a way. Adolin hugged them both tighter.

“You two,” Adolin said, “are the storming loves of my life.”

Even after the time they had spent as a triad, Adolin could still get Kaladin’s heart to beat a bit faster by saying something like that.

It had been a while since he had thought of the other Kaladin. Switching places with him had been hands down one of the strangest experiences of his life, and that was saying a  _ lot _ with the kind of things Kaladin had been through. But, it had led to this. So it couldn’t have been bad.

“We should make a toast to the other Kaladin and Adolin tonight.” Kaladin said. “In honor of them bringing us together, and to congratulate their marriage.”

“I am in favor of this notion.” Shallan said.

“As am I.” Adolin concurred, settling it.

Kaladin relinquished the hug, and Adolin and Shallan followed suit. He went over to remove the picture from the wall, setting it down on a bed stand. Syl had moved on from inspecting the picture to inspecting the other aspects of the room.

“I think we should go right after we finish unpacking Kaladin’s things. Have an excellent meal at that new restaurant in the Sebarial sector, and drink some fine alcohol in honor of them and in honor of us.” Shallan said, already opening a box.

They took out the things from the boxes, mostly clothing, as Kaladin didn’t tend to amass trinkets of any kind. He did have his spear collection, but not much else. The closet and drawers were separated into 3 parts for each of their clothing. It was strange to see the room slowly become more like the image that he had seen those months ago in the other Kaladin and Adolin’s room. It wasn’t the same, of course. Shallan had her mark upon the room as well, and the things that the other Kaladin had were not the same things that Kaladin had in many cases. But he had a moment of deja vu when he looked over to see the spear collection hanging beside the sword collection, remembering that moment those months ago when he had walked into the other Kaladin and Adolin’s room for the first time.

Kaladin found a nail in one of the boxes, and stuck the picture to the wall. The final touch. He found Adolin and Shallan once again observing him putting it on there, and he backed up so that he was standing in between them, then wrapped his arms around their shoulders.

Today was a  _ good _ day.

They had arrived at the restaurant all smiles, dressed in some of their finest clothing. It was a day to celebrate, after all. Kaladin had eaten an exceptionally flavorful sow’s steak, and Adolin and Shallan had gotten expertly prepared meals of their own. Full and in good humor, Shallan had ordered them a very interesting (and not bad) tasting red wine. Kaladin didn’t usually like being intoxicated in any manner, but he could enjoy the wine itself while quietly using Stormlight to burn off the effects.

Shallan refilled everyone's cups, then cleared her throat, raising her glass.

“To Adolin Stormblessed-Kholin, and to Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin. A toast to their marriage, and a toast to the 6 month anniversary of Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin’s switch with Kaladin. A toast to us, and a toast to Kaladin moving in with us.”

“Hear hear.” Adolin and Kaladin both said. Kaladin smiled as they all clinked their glasses together.

Kaladin sipped his wine as he reflected, not for the first time today, about that event those 6 months ago. It had been frightening and strange, and at the same time enlightening. It had driven him to make the biggest leap of faith in his life, and Shallan and Adolin had rewarded his trust. He looked at them, filled with love. Those few days had been one of many turning points in his life.

“Thank you,” Kaladin said out loud, surprising himself, “Thank you, Kaladin Stormblessed-Kholin and Adolin Stormblessed-Kholin, for what you did for us. You can’t hear me, but you should know anyway. I am so very grateful for what you did.”

Adolin and Shallan smiled at him, with those smiles that could melt anyone's heart.

“I love you, Kaladin.” Adolin said.

“I love you too, Kaladin.” Shallan said.

Kaladin smiled, feeling warmed by their radiant smiles, so full of love.

“I love both of you too.”

Yes, that experience had been something else.

But in retrospect, it had turned out pretty well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am writing these notes shortly after the new year of 2021 began, it is currently 12:55 AM, so forgive any incoherency. Usually i wait until the day before publishing to write notes, but I feel very in tune and inspired to write this final* message to you guys.
> 
> I’ve said it before, but you have to realize when I say this I mean it, I am so so happy and blessed and flattered that you guys liked what I wrote. At least, assuming you got to the epilogue of this 35k fic, you liked it, or else you would have stopped reading at some point (to those of you who are reading at gunpoint, sorry for all the sap). Writing, as some of you may know, is at many levels deeply personal. I never really comprehended how much of a writer's identity it takes to make a story until this. Seriously, at some point in the middle of writing, I had a dream in which I looked into a mirror and my face looked like Kaladin’s. I struggled with the interpretation for a full day, wondering if it was trying to allude to my depression, until I realized, feeling very stupid, that it was because I was spending several hours each day for a couple weeks being Kaladin through my writing. It was an interesting realization for me, and one that came with a deeper understanding for writing as a medium. This fic was an extension of me, and beyond that, it was an extension of me that I felt proud of. Many times, I create extensions of myself (art) without any expectation of how good I expect it to be. They are often times bad, sometimes really bad, but I give each the same amount of care and patience because that’s how you get better for the next piece of art. And while there is something to be said for putting your all into something no matter the outcome (journey before destination), it is undeniable that when you create something beautiful, it is deeply gratifying.
> 
> This work is something I felt proud of. And it was in some ways frightening to put it out where other people can see it, especially since I keep most of my art to myself. When you keep it to yourself, you can feel at peace knowing that 100% of the audience who saw it enjoyed it, and that at some level makes the piece a stable sort of good. When you put it out, you take both the benefit of people who enjoy it, and the detriment of people who dislike it and the people who ignore it. When something you worked hard on is ignored, it can hurt, through no fault of anyone’s own, and you can feel presumptuous in thinking that something that you enjoyed is something that other people would enjoy. The attention it gets doesn’t determine how good it is, or its value, but despite knowing that, it gets to the best of us to feel that way anyway.
> 
> Those 2 things said, I can try and make you understand what your support meant to me. I created something that I thought was beautiful, something rare for me. I sent it out into the world, fully knowing and expecting that there was a good chance very few people would read it. You can imagine how it felt when instead I was met with around 1000 hits, 50 kudos, and 40 unique comments at the time of writing. Each one of those is, in a way, praise to a piece of my art, which itself is created from my own identity. Ergo, each of those is in essence a personal compliment. Seriously, your comments have made me smile so much and so many times. Even when I sometimes feel awkward responding (this is my first time responding to so many nice comments), it’s always accompanied and outweighed by the joy of having a comment to reply to in the first place. If I said thank you to you, I mean it. 
> 
> I realize I may sound silly writing all this at the end both as a novice writer and for some random 35k gay poly fanfiction, but this whole experience really meant something big to me and taught me things. The recognition I got was only a fraction of what a writing master like Sanderson himself would get, but believe me when I say I could not care less about what other people get, because the interactions I have are my own, and somehow that is the only thing that's important to me. I am not a master storyteller, I am just some random novice writer on the internet. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but I feel no envy for the master storyteller, even as I am excited to start walking down the road to become a better storyteller. And the reason I don’t is because of you guys. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading.
> 
> This fic wasn’t just a story where Kaladin realizes he’s in love with Adolin and they kiss and vice versa, it was a journey for me in which I feel like I learned a lot.
> 
> So thanks for being with me during it, and thank you so much for what you taught me.
> 
> Signing off at 1:49AM,
> 
> Poploppege
> 
> (see you in the next fic!)


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